As we approach “Dads and Dudes #2”, it reminds me of a “man’s man” I knew as I host this event for the second time. The design is (very) loosely based on an event he hosted many times over a couple of weekend days in Peoria, Illinois, and one that I was fortunate enough to participate in. That weekend was modeled after “Wild at Heart” (book written by and retreat hosted by John Eldredge) and involved knife throwing (way before axe throwing was cool), four wheeling, trap shooting, shooting guns, paintball, lamb neck soup, and a giant fire in his “Lapa” where he displayed his mastery of the “art of the provocative question”.
Northwoods Community Church in Peoria was such a large church, so Rachel and I probably attended years before meeting Pete and Wanda Hanssen, and I don’t remember exactly how we all met, but I do remember the bone-crushing handshake and his South African accent. It was either through Rachel’s connection with his wife Wanda or through the group of men I met through Northminster Presbyterian’s Great Banquet. I do remember my introduction to Wild at Heart was through the Great Banquet Group, so the guys didn’t take much convincing to participate in this local “Wild at Heart” experience.
In early May this year, I learned that Pete had died nearly two months prior. Unfortunately, I learned of it too late for me to be able to attend his celebration of life – one that I would have dropped everything to attend.
I reflected on the news and Pete and his impact on me for a couple of days before I collected my thoughts enough to call Wanda. Some of my recollection included the facts that Pete was a former bush pilot in South Africa who moved to Peoria to help establish Wildlife Prairie Park. I remember one of my conclusions about all of my reflecting was that he was truly a man’s man. After catching up briefly, Wanda sent me the link to his memorial service, and it was validating to hear the theme over and over - “he was a man’s man”.
As a guy that grew up with an absent father, Pete is one of the men that had a fatherly impact on me - even though we didn’t spend a whole lot of time together. During the “Wild at Heart” weekend, we sat around a fire in the “Lapa” (I have yet to construct a copy) and talked about God and real-life stuff (recall the “art of the provocative question”). Like the encouragement that I should try to reconnect with my absent father, which I attempted a couple of times. Pete followed up with me on that many times over the next couple of years.
All of that said, there is one day in particular that comes to mind where it was just he and I. More manliness was crammed into that one day than other entire periods of my life.
Here’s how that day came about.
One year for the Global Leadership Summit (GLS) – probably around 2008 – we hosted a group of friends before the event to encourage them to attend. Pete and Wanda were already GLS attenders, so we invited them to the picnic at our house where I smoked a pork shoulder and ribs. Pete seemed impressed, which surprised me because of his well-established “man’s man” status.
I was also surprised at future communication where he said things like, “I know nothing of this hot smoke game” and after smoking some meat of his own, his reference to the “cagey” process of maintaining the proper smoking temperature. The conversations led to request to spend a day with him “showing him" the “hot smoke game”.
I don’t remember the outcome from the smoker or what we smoked, but I do remember him following up on my progress with my dad. I also vividly remember some other events from the day – such as when Pete poured gas from his gas can on the burn pile and then made a line out about 20 feet to light it. I laughed so much watching him do what they always tell you not to do that it made him laugh about doing something that was apparently routine to him.
I was surprised when it lit without incident. Another man’s man that influenced me when I was a bit younger had used gasoline to light the leaves we had raked into the ditch. I still don’t know if the big “BOOM” that caused the leaves to skyrocket into the air and then gently float back down into the ditch was an expected outcome or not.
Since my son and I are outnumbered by my 4 daughters, I have tried to be intentional about doing some “manly” things together so he can learn to manage the cagey smoker temperature and understand the hot smoke game. So instead of experiencing those firsts with a fill-in, he can experience them with his dad.
Pete knew part of his purpose here and has helped me remember mine. When I think about all the mens’ lives he impacted, I’m grateful as are many of my Peoria friends.
I clearly thought of Pete when I hosted the first “Dads and Dudes” two years ago, and this year and the future years will remind me of his legacy.
Maybe someday it can grow to the scale Pete had it going. One of these days, I’ll get to work on that Lapa.