Better Than The Son of Poseidon

           I love to read, and I'm getting to explore that even more now that my kids are into books beyond picture driven ones. The most recent series that I've delved into is the "Percy Jackson" series (I really have a huge list to pick from after all the Facebook chatter from this post.) If you're familiar with them, you know that they are based on Greek mythology and that the main character's father is Poseidon...the mythological "god of the sea". I've enjoyed the series and just finished reading the fourth book in the "Heroes of Olympus" series (which I was slightly disappointed with because of views expressed on a couple of topics, but I am looking at it as an opportunity for dialogue about personal beliefs vs. author beliefs). Half-pint LOVES this series, and I have had to put some serious effort into staying ahead of her. After all, I'm the one who borrowed them from the library. I should get to read them first. I am also previewing Jill Savage and Kathy Koch's new book "No More Perfect Kids", which makes for an interesting contrast between fiction for kids and non-fiction about kids.  Everytime I turn around, Half-pint has her nose in the next book. She can be quiet on the couch for hours just reading. I have to admit I'm a touch jealous. I get about ten uninterrupted seconds during the day. Ok. That's a slight exaggeration. However, I did have to literally lock myself in the bathroom one afternoon for five minutes,  so I could could coherently introduce myself to the launch team for Jill and Kathy's book (after two failed attempts in the kitchen with children swirling around my legs and clinging to arms).

            One of the best things about the Percy Jackson series is seeing which "god" each character has as their mother or father. Over the course of the book, you watch the characters discover what powers they have as a result of their "parentage". We were sitting in church a couple of weeks ago, listening to a series on spiritual gifts, when I realized what a perfect intro these books could serve to this topic for them. I asked the girls if they'd ever thought about how they are a child of the one, true God. Just like the characters from these books, they're endowed with gifts from the Holy Spirit when they accept Jesus into their hearts (see 1 Cor. 12:7-11, Romans 12:3-8, and 1 Pet. 4:9-11). When I was young, my parents gave me a test that help me see what gifts I had been given; so I contacted the church we've been attending to see if they had something similar for the girls to take. I read in the book "The Treasure Principle" by Pam Farrell that taking a spiritual gift test around the age of 8 or 9 is great because that's typically an age where we are more "ourselves" and less influenced by others. This has been on my to-do list for a while (Mary, age 11, was four when I read this book). The girls took the test today and were all smiles with the results. (Let me know in the comments below, or e-mail me if you'd like the test we used.) 

          One of my favorite chapters so far from the other book I'm reading ("No More Perfect Kids") is entitled "Who Am I?"- one of the main questions all kids ask themselves (along with every other adult on the planet). It talks about how we can be identified by what we do (like our interests or scholastic achievements) or who we are. I love the idea it gives for affirming you child using a three pronged approach.  First,  you identify the good quality and share this with your child. Next, you give an example of when you saw them displaying this quality. Finally,  you tell them why this is important.  I've used this technique several times this past week on each of our kids (except for Mr. Blue Eyes...one year olds hardly stay still long enough to read a book let alone listen to an affirmation), and they really have responded to it. 

          Here's how it played out yesterday with Half-pint: I told her 1) how I noticed that she was hard-working and showed initiative 2) specifically when I asked for help loading the recyclables in the van. She had a positive up-beat attitude and didn't complain that she was doing more work than her siblings (even though she ended up making more trips than her sister), and she even thought ahead to run down our lane and open the gate. I had asked for her help, so we could get to story time at the library in time. Opening the gate let us exit the property more efficiently (and we were on time for the FIRST time!). I told her 3) this is important because when she gets older her employer or family will appreciate having someone they can depend on to get the job done and to go the extra mile. A strong work ethic is a great asset to any job. 

           I could tell she was really listening to me when I complimented her because when we left the house later in the day (this time for AWANA) she ran all the way down the lane to open the gate for me again without any request from me. The three pronged affirmation worked with my three year old just as well. Her big, brown eyes twinkled when I complimented her on the way she quickly responded to my request this past week. I told it's important to know I can count on her to listen and obey.

          Does this technique work for adults too? I like your enthusiasm to help your kids by considering buying "No More Perfect Kids", but also the patient way you're waiting for the release. This is important because if you wait to purchase it the week of March 14, you'll get $100 worth of freebies. How'd I do?

           In the meantime, try some affirmations and consider giving your kids a test they can pass, helping them realize who they really are: A uniquely gifted child of the "One, True King"...which is way better than being a son of Poseidon. 

The Feeling of Falling

           It happened again Tuesday morning.  I neglected to see the water from the melted snow (that refroze overnight) in our gravel driveway.  You know the pathetic person with their feet up in the air on the wet floor sign? That was what I looked like. Last week, I fell twice (once on ice outside, once in my kitchen) landing on the opposite side of my body. At least, I'm equally bruised. I have a history of clumsiness...and falling. I heard last week that the best way to prevent a fall is to waddle like a penguin. Clearly, I need to test this one out or invest in some whole body padding...my hips and elbows are taking a beating.
           History is one of my favorite subjects because I love understanding the "why" behind events (science is my next favorite subject). I felt a little stupid Tuesday that I hadn't seen the ice as I was scurrying around, trying to switch over car seats. When will I learn from my history to slow down, pay attention,  and waddle? The topic of this Thursday's Blog Hop (sponsored by Hearts at Home) is "Loving Your Feelings".
            Last week a local station did a promo for Valentine's Day that shed a new light on my marital relationship. A pastor was proudly announcing a newlywed couple for the first time as "two who became one". I smiled at the words, remembering my own delight at taking my hubby's name. However,  I rarely think of my hubby and I as being "one" nowadays. It's hard to feel connected to him when I have five very real distractions asking for my attention. He is Charles. I am Caroline.  He works full-time time out of the home.  I work full-time in the home. He enjoys beer. I prefer a glass of wine. He likes to fall asleep to the T.V. The sound of the T.V. makes it almost impossible for me to sleep. He loves to learn as he goes. I love to research an idea for years before hesitantly deciding I should still research it a little longer before trying anything new. There are so many ways that we are exact opposites, and yet we have beem declared "one" person.

            Mark 10:7-9 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

             I always think about this verse in regards to physical intimacy,  but in reality the verse goes far deeper than that. When my hubby is hurting, do I hurt with him? When he rejoices, do I get excited too? When he has a problem, am I there to really listen? If we are really "one", shouldn't the answer to all three be "yes!"? Honestly it's easy  (but not right) for me to look at his problems as just that: "HIS" problems.  It's easy to say that because we have five children that it's just too hard to find time together and really share each other's burdens. Isn't this whole connecting thing important though? Even with lots of little ones?  Shouldn't they see the way you are to treat your spouse?

             Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up."

            We are married for a reason. He's supposed to help me up when I'm down,  and I'm supposed to help him up when he's down. How do I get my feelings to match up with the reality of our "oneness"?
          Sometimes,  it's just hard to know where to start. Rev. 2:3-5 talks about rediscovering your first love (who knew the Bible has advice on that??). It says to do what you did at first. When I was first dating Charles, I spent a LOT of time with him. We did things together. I learned what his favorite foods were. I paid attention to anything new on him all the way from clothes to a scratch on his arm. The past couple of weeks, I've tried to look back at our history and learn from it.

          We've both been more intentional about spending time together--like really intentional. We've spent hours talking on the weekends (sometimes with a sitter watching the kids and sometimes before the kids get up) and even started watching a movie on Sunday nights, just the two of us. I feel like I have a best friend again.  We've laughed a lot together and we've even talked through a couple of issues to resolve a thing or two. This is easier to do when you actually talk minus children, who are bound to interrupt every ten seconds. I have no shame in putting on an occasional movie to distract my children from interrupting us.

          Another thing that I've been doing a whole lot more of is praying for my hubby. Last week, he shared about an especially rough day. Instead of just seeing it as "his problem", I spent a day fasting and praying just for him. Even when I'm in a heated conversation,  it's amazing what a quick prayer can do. New ideas pop into my head. It calms me down so that I can communicate better. It's hard to be mad at someone that you're praying for. God always seems to gently point out what I should be doing differently or change altogether. 

            I've also been intentional about what I think about regarding my hubby.  When we were first dating, he had just as many annoying qualities about him, but I never noticed.  I was too focused on all the kind things he did for me and the way he made me feel. Charles has always been a generous man, but I've been dwelling on it a lot more lately. Two weeks ago, I dropped my smart phone, and he didn't even bat an eyelid at the substantial deductible we paid to get a new one. He gave all the girls a single long-stemmed rose for Valentine's Day, but I received two dozen! He wanted me to have enough to put them around the house wherever I wanted.  I put a big bunch next to a purchase of his that had initially annoyed me (just in case I was tempted to think grumpy thoughts). He's not just generous with money though. When it has been wet and slick out, he's left his Suburban to drive, so I can get around safely. (Maybe that is a generous money move considering the damage I've done to the van this winter.) What I've focused on has made me feel a lot happier about our relationship. I've had a new sensation of falling again, but unlike slipping it hasn't hurt. It's familiar...part of my history...I love the feeling of falling in love.

What can you learn from your history?  What do you do to love your marital feelings? I'd love to hear your comments below and learn from you.

To learn more about how other moms are loving their feelings, click here to see other blogs.

Watch Out I'm Going to Puke

           My stomach began churning as I quickly rummaged back and forth between my handfuls of bags, my purse, and my coat pockets. Then I began to panic, whispering, "I probably just put them in my pants pocket for some strange reason." More shuffling of my full arms and more rummaging...my stomach began to hurt even worse. I realized at that moment I had forgetten to "lock the door with the keys". This is the fail safe method to prevent things like this from happening. As I walked around the van, I knew what I'd see. There were the keys sitting in the ignition. I was headed to the train station to pick up my mother-in-law, but I had made a quick stop at Wal-Mart because the train would be thirty minutes late. My mind raced and I had that sick feeling in my stomach deepen, it's worse than the flu for someone like me. I had done something stupid.
           I wish it was an occasional thing, but my flawed humanity gets in the way of perfection day after day. A couple Saturdays ago, I had walked out of my kitchen to give the hens compost scraps. I turned on the stove burner, leaving a timer set for eight minutes...just long enough to get my milk up to 180°F for the yogurt. I had plenty of time...I thought. I came in to see our dog Harley looking back and forth at our flaming hand towel on the stove and me, as if to say, "Ma, this don't smell right!" You guessed it--I had the wrong burner on (this happened to me before with Pyrex). Stupid. My stomach felt like making a deposit that day too. The following day, the fire department visited us when a fierce wind kicked up a burning ember while we were burning trash in a barrel. Fire spreads fast on the prairie, but no real damage happened that day because we made the call as soon as we felt we couldn't control the fire. I could tell something major was wrong when my hubby was yelling "Poop!" in German repeatedly. (What was up with all the fire at our house?!)
           Life makes me feel dumb, and I am forever pointing out mistakes to myself.  I have to be intentional about dwelling on the good stuff too. Both of these things were small things. They were easily fixed by some roadside assistance and a glass of water (respectively...I don't think the water would've helped with the locked van) Then, there are moments when I think about my parenting and really feel tempted to feel sick. Watch out I might just puke. What kind of damage am I doing to my kids each time I yell at them or forget to follow through by picking up the dirty clothes for them? Will they remember our homeschooling years as pure drudgery or remember the fun we had? It's just as important to see when a situation is out of control in our parenting as it is with burning grass. Remember the verse in Proverbs about self-contol being better than conquering a city?
          I'm previewing a book called "No More Perfect Kids", and what I love about it is that it has tools for me to fix what is wrong (along with some pointers on things I should be doing differently). I'm the only one that expects perfection from myself.  Everyone else knows how messed up I am because they are too. Last week, I decided to try a technique the book recommended by having my kids write (or say--for the younger set) 15-20 "I am..." statements.  It a way to assess how negatively or positively they feel about themselves and what is important to them. Honestly,  even doing this scared me a little. Do I really want to know how much I've messed up my kids?? It ended up being very reassuring.  I was amazed by how many positive things they had to say about themselves.  If they hadn't though, wouldn't it be better to know about it now then finding out in thirty years from now when it was affecting their families and marriages?
            Lots of people (including my internal naysayer) can point out what I'm doing wrong, but who will help me fix it? The authors of this book, Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch, want to help you. If you want to get this book (your kids will thank you), please wait till the week of March 14-22. If you do, you'll get a whole bunch of freebies valued at $100. I'll keep giving you some good tid-bits that I'm reading, and you can order "No More Perfect Moms" to read if you missed it. It was released last year and is fabulous as well.
         In the meantime, relax, let go of your hurting stomach, and know that only God is perfect. You can thank God that at least you didn't lock you keys in your van or set your house/yard on fire.