Scouring the Heart

     This week has brought a lot of challenges, but also so much joy! It has been so easy to see the silver lining of gratitude despite the storm clouds of life. The past 20 hours has brought an even greater challenge: death and forgiveness. For those of you who are not animal lovers, you may not understand this; and for those that have recently lost a family member or friend, you may find this trite. Trust me when I say that I've had a good share of death in my life both human, and animal: I've watched my father die from cancer. I 've lost two babies from miscarriages. I went to the funeral of my best friend on my 7th birthday. I've even lost both grandparents- just to name a few. Please don't think that I'm trivializing your suffering because of the grief I express over the loss of a pet.     However, this is truly how I feel at this moment.  It is hard to put into words how torn up about this I feel. If tears scour the heart, consider mine clean. I keep thinking that I really don't have any more tears left, and another wave of sadness rolls in.
     It has been a long time since I've really had a pet to call my own. Harley is our family dog, but my hubby was the driving force behind us getting him. When we talked about moving, we began by promising the girls outdoor cats if we lived in the country the way we had dreamed of. They have been dreaming of cats since a very young age, and they were overjoyed at the prospect. They both laughed and gigled at the thought of getting the ultimate birthday present. This past week my hubby picked three darling kittens slated to live outside, but that we allowed in our entryway for a few days to get them accustomed to our family. We put up a gate to keep them apart from our dog, and they stayed away from our gate because our dog was intimidating to them.  Also, my girls really only left them to go to the bathroom and to eat. They even slept with them the first night, and then last night (because it was my eight year old's birthday wish). We were given three- two for my oldest, and one for me. There is nothing like the playfulness of a kitten, and the contentedness of having one climb into your lap to take a nap. I named mine Giselle. I love that name and after having four girls, I know my hubby's feelings on the name would prevent us from ever using it. She showed the most spunk out of all the kittens, and I was sure she would be the one to teach our dog a lesson if he ever got out of line. Growing up, my brother always had a dog and I had a cat. We researched on-line how to introduce dogs to cats, as my greatest concern was how he'd handle their addition to our family. Their introductions went well, and it apparently took away their inhibitions over him enough that Giselle decided to climb over the gate to explore. Every time he came near her, she would hiss and then give a low-throated warning to stay away. She even tried a swipe or two at him, which he would dodge. She was the most sensitive, and defensive around him. Long story short, I awoke this morning to our dog barking which I found odd...but when I heard my hubby's voice down with him, I felt assured that he had the situation at hand. When my girls came up to see me a couple of minutes later, I could tell that the birthday girl had been crying. Harley and Giselle fought, and he won. When I came downstairs and saw her motionless form laying in our living room, I wept. We had only had her for three days, but I loved her just the same. It feels like a horrible waste, and I have gone through feelings of intense sadness mixed with remorse over not doing enough to protect her followed by anger at our dog. I'll never be able to look at him the same way again.
     Forgiveness is essential; and yet in this case, I know it will take me a long time of continuing to say it out loud till I can actually feel it in my heart. I feel numb and raw, and hurt. My mom is a grief councilor,  and she said that there is always a treasure in grief. I can't find the one at this moment. I'll let you know if this changes.  Part of me wishes, we would have just gotten two cats. She could still be safe in her old home instead of buried in our back yard.
     Initially,  I was relieved when it was mine instead of my girls; but when they instantly started in with cries of protest over putting them outside and all the potential dangers,  I remembered what I think the hardest thing about having pets is: watching them die. I've already buried three cats. My first was also just a kitten when a neighbor dog ran into our yard, and snapped her back. I was three years old, but I can still remember vivid details from that day: the color of the sky, and the place in our yard that it happened...even the room I was held by my mom as my father shot my poor kitty that had been paralyzed and left dying by the attack.
     The hardest thing in all of this has been still looking at Harley. He still pads up to me expecting to go everywhere with me. He still expects the occassional treat. He still expects me to translate his whimpers to the girls. When I get up in the middle of the night, he stills gets up to greet me. Every time I look at him, I struggle with my feelings as I see the puncture wounds she inflicted on his face.  I feel angry with him for winning and just being a dog. I have a hard time touching him knowing what he has done. They say time heals all wounds, but I think that the longer the time after the incident, the easier the pain is to bear. I don't think it ever goes away. Right now the pain is nearly unbearable because it is so fresh.
     So, God, I turn to You and ask you to help me forgive. I ask You to forgive any neglect on my part,  and I ask for Your comfort and perspective on this. Could you bring me some joy too?

In the Trenches

     Yesterday my husband and I  celebrated 15 years of marriage. We've had our ups and downs, but overall I think we've had a really great journey together.  Last night as I was reminiscing,  I remembered our 1O year anniversary.  We took a trip to Ireland to celebrate; and one day as we were exploring Dingle Peninsula, we had a conversation that I took rather seriously.  It was all about feeling like we weren't really even friends anymore.  I remember being so upset by it that I considered throwing myself off the cliffs into the foaming water below. The one thing that kept my feet firmly on the ground was the knowledge that I had a two and four year old waiting at home that would never understand why I hadn't come home when I had promised that I would.  As we continued exploring, my hubby and I talked some more. It was clear that this wasn't the end of our marriage.  Neither of us wanted that (although when we first talked I felt overwhelmingly hopeless about it). This was merely a call for us to decide to make our marriage a priority instead of it revolving around the kids. Later that same year, God made Himself very real to me as I began to seek after Him. My husband began the same journey that year, and by the following spring I remember us being happier than we'd been in the  previous 10 years of marriage. I went from feeling supremely low to extremely high in just a matter of a year. I'm so glad that I didn't give into that feeling...I would have missed out on the best years of my life.
     They say that when you marry your husband that you really marry your dad. My hubby and my dad do have many things in common: the both are very good at fixing things, enjoy planting and watching things grow, and like investing in relationships. My hubby actually uses my dad's old Alles Chalmers to mow our yard, and till our garden despite the fact that it is almost as old as I am...obviously, he's had to do a number of repairs on it.
     One big difference between the two of them has been their reaction to my dream. Albeit, I was probably only 6 or 7 at the time, but I had just read a biography about Fanny Crosby and decided that I wanted to write for a living.  When I shared it with my dad he made a comment about investigating other occupations. As an adult, I can see that he was probably making the comment out of concern for my finances, not saying that I wouldn't be good at it. As a child though,  I was convinced that he didn't think I had the talent for it. I carried this misgiving with me for years despite being told otherwise by others and even winning runner up in a writing contest during college.
     When I told my hubby of my dream, he said simply, " What can I do to help you make this happen?" There was no doubt in his mind about me. This was huge for me...that he believed in me! He even invited over a friend of his that was an author to give me some help. It has been at least three years since I told him about this dream, but I've struggled with thinking that I really have anything of valuable to share with others .  There are some pretty amazing people out there with better stories than mine. A dear friend of mine gave me a devotional; and in the forward, it explained how rare it was to find mom's that were willing to write about their experiences "in the trenches". That was a completely new thought to me, but encouraging. Last year when my hubby left his secure job to go to a start-up company and eventually into his own business,  I was determined to write it all down in a book specifically for our kids.  Unfortunately, I fell behind and got discouraged. Even now when I read what little I did write, I'm amazed by the emotion I felt at the time about my situation.  I would write completely differently about it now...maybe because I know the end of that story.
     This June when I realized we were in for another amazing ride, I decided to start blogging about it. So here I am, and I love it! Had my hubby not been so enthusiastic about my dream, I doubt I'd be sharing this with you publicly. It is a rare and special thing to find someone who fully gets you and supports your dream. I believe that God hand picked him just for me. Thank you, honey, for the past 15 years, and for letting me live my dream!

Without Water

      It's funny how my early memories around our first home started with our challenge of not having a shower, and one of our first challenges in our new home is water-related as well.
      It's really all my fault if you think about it. I wanted to take the girls swimming after our closing, but I chose to get groceries.  By the time we got back, there wasn't much time left to swim before the afternoon nap. I told the girls we'd go after nap time. What I had forgotten was that there are swimming lessons at the pool on Monday afternoons, which we still would have been taking had I realized we would stay in the area. After getting suited up and slathered up, I realized we wouldn't be able to go swimming.  I then came up with the not so brilliant idea to put in a slip n' slide (which led to a sprinkler when the water pressure wasn't that great). Those of you who live in the country can probably already see where this is going. Maybe those of you in the city that read the title of my post can too. Well after this water frivolity, I was unable to use the sink for water while cooking. I thought it had to do with the fact that my hubby had to open up a different valve for the spigot to work. I thought he'd just shut off a valve, and open a different one. He came in from grilling the celebratory steaks rather concerned, but the water faucet was once again working. He realized that we were using too much water for our well to keep up with during this mid-western drought we are experiencing.  We continued with our night time routine after he checked the pump to verify that it was still pumping well although the pressure was low.
     When I went to bed, I washed off my dirty feet. The water ran out again during this, but I figured the pump was trying to keep up with our usage like before.  I thought after another half hour we'd have water again like earlier in the evening.
     I was wrong. When I was roused from my sleep from my daughter because I had forgotten to put a diaper on her before bed and she had had an accident, I checked the water only to find it still not working. I let my husband know at this point, but unfortunately the damage had already been done to the pump. I wish now I would have woken him up after washing my feet.
     This has led to being without water for the past 24 hours. The earliest we could schedule a repair is this morning. The good thing about this is that we will have a submersible pump that will improve our flow rate, and is built to resist burning out if it runs dry again. The bad thing is we are out a good chunk of change within a few days of living in our new home.
     This past Sunday the pastor preaching at our church spoke on Romans 8:28 which talks about all things working together for good. What I really liked that he pointed out was that our definition of good is not always the same as God's definition of good. He tied in the following verse to this which speaks of God conforming us to the image of Christ...which is God's definition of good. This is why God can allow "bad" things to happen to us. I know that I have a whole new appreciation for water (and I'm glad I bought all those little jars of hand sanitizer at the sale last year--it sure is handy to have them at every sink). Also, when given the perspective of all the people that are truely suffering thus feels like small potatoes. This isn't anything compared to a friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, a friend whose husband has been diagnosed with throat cancer, or another friend whose four year old is suffering from an inoperable brain tumor.
     I believe this water issue is meant to make me feel sour, and steel my joy. Too bad! It's not working. I'm still so grateful for this amazing house and the beauty of the countryside!

Tiny Giants in the Land

     It's funny how when the Israelites went into the promised land they still had giants to face. God didn't magically chase them all away for them. They had to face them; and though God gave them the strength and victory, they still had to show faith by actually doing their part and fighting them.
     I am now facing my first giant in our new, lovely home that God has given us: ticks! I picked one off our dog this afternoon, and my husband found two crawling on him today. Because of our mild winter this past year, they especially thick. Only a few minutes ago, he whispered to me, "What are you doing? I just found a tick crawling on me in our bed."  It took my groggy mind a second or two to process that one...then, my mind began playing tricks on me.  I began feeling invisible bugs crawling all over me. Isaiah 41:10 instantly came to mind which says, "Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
     So I'm going back to bed, and resting in the promise that I don't have to be afraid. God hasn't brought me to this amazing home to let me be defeated. He is right here with me.
     Do any of you country folk have advice for this city girl? I'd be much obliged if you'd leave it in my comments section!

The Promised Land

     This is the moment I have been waiting for.  This is the moment that I get to share with you how God has stepped in to the perform the most amazing miracle that I've gotten to witness so far.  I used to be afraid people would think that I'm bragging when I tell them things God has done; but this story is not about me.  Who am I really--just one among billions (with a big mouth)?  If I keep quiet about this, "the stones will cry out".(Luke 19:40)

     You might remember that we close on our house on July 23rd, which is only four days away.  Last week we settled where Brent would work when he picked his job last Wednesday.  What you don't know is that a week ago today we saw two houses, fell in love with one, put in an offer and after some negotiating we are buying it.  It takes a standard 30 days for the bank to be able to put together a loan...but we have to be out by Monday.  The home owners of the house we are buying have agreed to let us "rent" our house from them till we close.  Yes, the house we fell in love with is amazingly not occupied.  All of the things that had to come together for this to occur are amazing! 

     Some things in life are wonderful blessings, but many people would not feel comfortable calling them miracles.  This is not one of those situations.  This is clearly astounding to me and my family.  This is what makes it qualify for a miracle in my book:

This is a miracle for my husband because

      a) It is on 10 acres

      b) in the country

      c) with a large pond with a fresh water spring

      d) with a generously wooded acres for hunting,

      e) and it has a huge, beautiful workshop 

       f) along with a huge rustic red barn

He asked the realtor for all these things when he asked her to look for houses for us, but we didn't know that we would find one that met ALL of these requirements.

This is a miracle for me because

      a)It has a large kitchen (and a ginormous pantry),

      b)TWO and a half  large bathrooms (we currently have 1.5 small bathrooms),

      c) unbelievable closet space

      d) a lovely cellar for storing food

      e) plenty of room to run around the house and have people over

      f) within a mile of two dear friends

      g) on the road that I have asked God a million times if I could possibly live on. (Even though I thought it was a crazy prayer because we were supposed to be moving far away from here)  We have driven by this property probably close to a hundred times in the past 5 years because our friends live by it.  This house isn't even close to a downsizing--remember my fear?

This is a miracle for my kids because

     a)they can finally get the outdoor cats they've been dreaming of and

     b) have three homeschooling families with a couple of miles of them, (which means more kids to play with than in our current subdivision neighborhood).

     c) They will also be within ten minutes of a wildlife park that we have a connection at that offered to let our children help with some of the animals.

     d) They will also be five minutes away from a horse stable that one of my children has been offered a position in a few years from now.

     e) Two of them that have birthdays in the next month and a half, will be able to celebrate with their friends they've made since being born in this area.  One of the things I heard them talk the most about with sadness was not being able to celebrate their birthdays with their friends.

    This is a huge answer to prayer...and shows the amazing power of God to answer all of our prayer requests down to the very last detail.  He provided the house of our dreams the day after we settled on a job that we can move into in less than a weeks time (and on the very road I've been asking to live on)!  Try to figure out the odds on that one!!

      Also, money is a huge sticking point for me.  It is really hard for me to trust God on this issue.  There is a fine line of stewardship vs. letting money control you, and I don't always stay on the right side of this line.  My husband is much more easy going with money.  We generally do a good job of balancing each other out.  One of the hardest things for me about letting our current home go has been all of the work and money that we have put into fixing and updating our house that we essentially aren't recouping from it.  (Of course, if we hadn't put anything into it; we might be selling it for less than we bought it for.)  Just to clarify, the vast majority of the work was done by my hubby, not me.  

     The home we are buying has been on the market for two years--just the thought of that boggles my mind.  It has waited two years for us.  No, I believe God set it aside for the past two years for us.  We both find it hard to believe.  Because it has been on the market for so long, they have already reduced the price by a really good amount.  Add to that the lovely negotiating power of my husband and the favor of God...and we are getting more than just a good deal.  As my brother would say, this deal is "smoking"!  If you look at any comparable properties, they are way, way more expensive.  The other night, we kept wondering if there was something hidden that was making this so reasonably priced.  The more we have dug, we can't find anything.  The thought of selling our home for less than I personally valued it at when we didn't know where or even if we needed to move was a challenging thing for me to accept.  It all went back to allowing my husband to lead.  Either I let him lead, and trust God to work out the details, or I make no progress in this area that I believe God is challenging me to grow in.  Clearly this has worked out very well for me!

     I feel so blessed right now that I feel like I could explode with gratitude!  To all those who have been praying with me about this, may I sincerely say, "Thank you!"  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.  It is by no means over...this is just the beginning of our adventures in our promised land.

In Quietness and Trust

      There is a lot going on right now. We are getting ready to move, but there is also a story that I'm dying to tell you. However, until it is a signed deal, my lips are sealed. This is proving to be very hard for me. Today, I was talking to God about how excited I was, and asking "Why am I having to wait to share this?" A verse from last week's message instantly flooded into my head. The pastor preaching at our church was sharing Isaiah 30:15 . It says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." The context of the verse is that the Assyrian army was coming to take over Jerusalem and people of the town were having a hard time repenting of their trust in the nation of Egypt to come to their rescue. They didn't want to sit still and merely trust God, but that is all they needed to do. He gave them the victory in His timing.

      As soon as I thought of the verse, I realized the problem that I was having:

Although I didn't lose any sleep over where we were going when I didn't have a clue, this past week has been hard for me to rest. I've actually woken up a couple of nights and been so excited that I can't go back to sleep without getting up and praying and reading in the Bible. I've rationalized it in my head that it's just because I'm so grateful. Indeed, I am grateful, but do I really think this is a spiritual thing that I'm having a hard time waiting on His timing. No, it is because I'm impatient, and I want to figure this all out as soon as possible. This verse hit me like a ton of bricks, especially the last part of it: "but you would have none of it". So this afternoon despite everything going on, I laid down and took a nap for 30 minutes. Guess what? I actually slept, and I feel much better. We were designed to rest, not to go, go, go 24/7. I'm taking this verse to heart, and I encourage you to do the same. When it is His timing, I will be able to shout from the mountaintops of His goodness. For right now, I'm quietly resting and waiting on Him.

Sentimentalist vs. Hoarder

      In light of the fact that we are closing on our house in a week and a half, much of my free time has been spent in  packing.  I was recently asked how I felt about all this moving, and I really feel like it is a good opportunity to look at why we have certain things.  My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years; and although we moved 5 times in the first 5 years, we haven't move at all since we've had kids.  That means that we've had ten years to accumulate everything that our house will readily hold.  Before that, we always lived in an apartment.  What does that mean:  we have lots of stuff!  We moved in as a family of two, and we are moving out a family of six.  That alone means we will have more things just by necessity of somewhere to sleep.

     I'm naturally a sentimentalist ( I prefer this to the term hoarder), but I also think that I've grown a lot in that area over the past couple of years.    When I was a little girl, I saved everything...including the Kleenex that I used for crying over the cats that died.  (I can hear a collective "Ewww!")  I've gotten rid of more stuff in the past year than I've probably parted with in the previous ten years.  That's because my perspective has changed a lot of what I value.  Some things I was just holding on to because I thought I'd use it someday.  I've learned that's not a good reason to keep something.  I think part of that comes from maturity, but part of it comes from a desire to enjoy where we are.  For a long time, I was only looking at things from a point of what we'd need "once we moved".  We didn't have enough room for the things we were keeping, but it'd be" just right once we moved."  We had only planned on actually staying in this house for five years, not ten.  It's funny how plans change.

       My husband has also played a big role in this.  He really has a desire for simplicity (which is sometimes battled by a delight in technology--I think that's part of him being an engineer).  He has really challenged me to look at the why behind things.  In light of our move, we actually talked about selling our piano to avoid the headache of moving something so heavy.  The more we talked about it, the more I realized how much it actually meant to me.  It was given to me by my late dad, so I have a sentimental attachment to it.  However, I really, really love to have music in our house.  I love playing my music CD's or the radio.  I love hearing my girls playing the piano, especially the little one who doesn't really know how to.  It even makes me happy to sit down and play.  After some discussion, we decided to keep it, and that makes me really happy.  It really makes me feel loved that he is willing to move it for me.

      There are other things that are a no-brainer for me now.   I have learned to take pictures of much of the artwork of my kids, and only save the masterpieces.  I've learned that after seeing the same outfit go through four kids, there is sometimes a reason it has survived.   Ugly outfits are still ugly outfits.  I have greatly reduced what I have saved by each child.
      At the beginning of last fall when my hubby's new position required a move, I prayed a lot about it.  Honestly, I didn't really want to move there, but that seemed foolish since he had a good job there. I began to ask God to help me let go of our current home if He had something better out there for us.  I believe that He does have something amazing out there for us, so I'm letting go with a big smile on my face, and taking the piano along.

The Purpose of Conflict

     Well, my hubby has accepted an offer for a new position with the company he currently works for.  The last couple of days have been very challenging for all of us as the decision was not an easy one for all of us to collaborate on.  Ultimately the decision was his, but it was wonderful for him to talk through so much of it with me.  It really made me understand where he was coming from on all aspects.  It's just good to be able to communicate.  This means we will be staying in the relative area that we currently are in.

      This past spring I went to the Hearts at Home conference, and I really got a lot out of workshop about "How to fight for your marriage".  Dr. Juli Slattery was the speaker, and I ended up buying the CD because my schedule didn't work to see her live.  I'm so glad I got the CD because I needed to listen to the talk more than once.  It was all about how to manage conflict in a healthy way.  This is one area that I really, really hate.  I am the type that avoids conflict at all cost until I explode and a million things come rushing out of my mouth.  Not very good approach--I admit it!  The biggest thing that I got out of her talk was that the whole point of conflict is not for one person to win, or for both parties to compromise.  Conflict is the way that you can come to a deeper understanding of your partner.  If you look at it that way, conflict actually brings you closer together and increases your intimacy.  If you try to understand the other person's point of view, you are in essence getting to know them better.  This has completely changed my perspective and given me a better way of talking with my husband if I disagree with him.  She also offered some helpful tips to cool things down during conflict; but if you want to know her tips, you'll have to get the CD...or I can loan you my copy.

     I recently watched the movie "A Walk to Remember", and in the last few minutes they stated that they had experienced more love in the year they spent together than most couples experience in a lifetime.  I have to disagree with that.  If love is just a feeling, then I'd agree.   Feelings are always strongest when they are new.  I think love is most powerful as an action...as a verb.  It's easy to love someone for the day, or for a year.  What's hard is loving someone over and over through the hurts and disagreements.  I know that my love for my husband is deeper and stronger now than it ever was after our first year of marriage because of all we have gone through and still chosen to love each other unfailingly.

      If you need some help to "Fight for your marriage", go to this website  http://www.hearts-at-home.org/  and click on the picture halfway down on the right-hand side that says "Order MP3's or CD of conference workshops!"  It's well worth the effort!

Harley, our dog

     I thought that we'd have a direction by late yesterday, but my husband is still in negotiations.  I love telling people stories of things that have really been a blessing in my life, and our dog is one of those.  He also happens to be the beautiful face for my profile picture.  My husband has wanted a dog for almost as long as we have been married.  We both prefer bigger dogs to smaller dogs, although I've always considered myself more of a cat person.   I love their independence, and the fact that you never know when they will feel like rubbing up against you or taking a nap on you.  Dogs have always struck me as needy, drooly, and a lot of work.  The one dog I did have was an outdoor pet, so I have zero experience with an indoor dog.  My hubby really wanted an indoor dog.  I was not really all that excited about the inevitable hair and potential dog odor that seem to go along with an indoor dog.  I foresaw a lot of cleaning--not exactly the thing a mother of four is excited about jumping into.

     I've been flexible about a lot of things, but one thing I was very firm on throughout our marriage was that I didn't want a pooch until we had all four of our children (thus making our family complete--little did I know my future).  I also wanted my youngest to be at least two, so she would know better than do something silly to cause the dog to act on instinct and lash out.  Well, when our fourth child was about 6 months old (18 months ahead of my schedule), my husband expressed a strong desire to start looking for a dog.  A friend of mine, who is much more knowledgeable about dogs than I am, insisted that we'd be much better off with a three year old dog than a puppy.  Puppies are a lot of work.  My husband was agreeable to looking for an adult at shelters, but we just couldn't find what we were looking for.  He came to the conclusion that he really wanted a puppy.  I told him that he could override me if he had to, but I wanted to wait until our six month old was walking and our two and a half year old was potty-trained before getting a puppy.  He told me that he was willing to wait. At the end of February in 2011, I told him that since our youngest was an early walker and our other child was almost fully potty-trained that I'd be fine with getting a puppy for his birthday in May.  I thought that would give us plenty of time to prepare.  The same day he found a five year old (85 lb.) Weimaraner on craigslist.  He told me that his name was Harley.  For those of you who don't know me very well, that wouldn't be very significant.  That was my dad's name who passed away over 20 years ago.  I thought, "This is either going to be a really good dog, or a sign that he is not the one."  We went and visited him, and instantly fell in puppy love.  His previous owner had a five year old child, so he had been raised since he was a puppy with children.  He was extremely good-natured and his previous owner had done a lot of training with him.  It was so much fun for the girls to get him to do tricks.

     We slept on it overnight, and the following morning agreed that if we were going to get a dog that year, that this would be the one we should get.  To top it all off, his owner said to keep him for a week, and if he wasn't the dog we thought he was, that we could give him back.  His owner said that the reason that he was giving him up was that he didn't get enough attention.  Let me tell you, he has no lack for attention in our family!

     He is an amazing dog.  He's never had an accident, and he has been a total sweetheart.  His only bad habit is that he tries to sneak on the couch in the middle of the night, so we gate our living room at night.  I'm so glad that we got him, and after having four children, I realize that I am a natural dog-lover.  Nothing is as needy, drooly, or as much work as a young baby.  He is easy in comparison.  Also, there are side benefits.  My daughters used to be so fearful of tornadoes, but when they found out he howls at the sirens, that fear was instantly gone...as he sleeps in their room on a comforter.  No one can ignore his howling.  He adores me, and is always around to cheer me up when I feel low.  I have to say that I adore him as well.  My youngest tells everyone that Harley is her "baby".  In fact the first word she could say after mama and dada was " 'arley".  Because of him, I hear my dad's name on a daily basis which is also rather sweet.

     It is a wonderful thing when your husband's desires lead to something that truly blesses you as well.  This is the case with our dog Harley.  I'm so thankful for the day he padded into our life!  My kitchen floor is cleaner than ever, and my heart is much happier.

A Tale of Two Cities

     Well, it is officially two weeks till we close on our house, and we are now getting a little bit of direction on our move.  I'm excited to announce that as of Friday, my husband officially has two firm positions to choose from .  Hopefully by the end of today, after a few more questions with the two companies, he will have chosen a job.  Then we will have a location, and the search for immediate housing will begin.

     My husband asked me which position I think he should take; and since I don't know a lot about the duties and responsibilities of both, I told him some criteria that I would put at the top of the list.  I have found that a dynamic position makes any job more interesting for my husband.  He really enjoys problem-solving; and if his position involves a lot of tedious repetition without much change in pace, it doesn't really suit him or his strengths.  That is why I think he has really enjoyed his current position.  The other thing that I know my husband really values is his autonomy.  He likes to see a problem, and then have the freedom to actually fix it without having to go through a bunch of corporate red tape to change it.  Lastly, I told him that I know that he likes to look at what will make him more well-rounded in the future, and this was the only criteria that he readily jumped in to tell me the answer for...which I think means there is some room for thought.

      One position would require a couple hour move, and the other wouldn't require very much of a move at all.  One position is located in a more bucolic region, where farmer's drive their Case New Holland tractors up to the local Casey's for gas.  The other position is located in a town that is smaller than our current residence, but still large enough for a Super-Walmart, McDonald's, and many other places for purchases.  We have always talked about wanting to more into the country, and obviously a smaller town would make that easier.  We both grew up in a small town, and we readily know both the advantages and the disadvantages.  We have only lived in larger cities since being married, so I think we have a pretty good handle on the differences.

     I think one of the hardest things about this move will be leaving behind all the wonderful relationships we have built with the people here.  However, I'm not nearsighted enough not to realize that we can still build many more relationships wherever we go, but I'm also not foolish enough to think that we will really "keep in touch" with everyone here.  I know that some people will just be fond memories, and part of our adventure here.  I hope and pray that some of them will be my lifelong friends.  Far in distance, but near in heart--like my kindred spirit that I met when pre-testing for Kindergarten thirty years ago, or the best friend that walked with me through my dad's battle with cancer.  Neither one lives near to me, but I really value both of their continued friendships.

     God knows our future, and He is watching out for us. The one verse that I've held onto and shared many times with my kids over the course of the past year is Jeremiah 29:11.  I especially love the Message version of this verse.   "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

     Stay tuned.  There is a big page turn ahead.

 

 

Going the Distance

     There are so many metaphors for life that you can use from running, but that's not what this is about.  This is a call for help from any of you out there with experience.  I'm not an expert runner.  I've been running for about a year and a half.  A friend put a couch to 5K challenge on Facebook around Thanksgiving of 2010, and I thought, "Why not?"  Although I've never actually run a 5K race,  I did complete the training program.  It only required me to run three times a week for 30 minutes (plus warm-up and cool-down).  I thought that it was doable.  Nine weeks later, I ran a 5K in my basement on my treadmill.  I was exhilarated by the whole thing.

     I've been running three times a week pretty consistently since then.  However, this fall while trying to sort out a hubby being gone 15 hours a day and figuring out my first year of homeschooling, I struggled a little with the three times a week part...sometimes I only ran twice a week...oh, all right, there were a couple of weeks that I only ran once--and for 20 minutes instead of the original 30.  There.  That's the truth.  Anyhow, this February, I became convicted that I needed to get back on track.  I've been steadfastly running the 30 minutes 3 times a week since then.

     Now I'm pregnant though.  I've never worked out through a pregnancy, let alone run.  I know a mother of 8 (soon to be 9) who ran a half-marathon at 20 weeks.  She also told me that the last time she was pregnant that she ran until she was 32 weeks pregnant, and worked out up until the day she delivered.  I'm pretty sure she has a super mom cape hidden somewhere under her clothes.  I'm not sure that I can do that, but I'm curious to see what I am capable of and if it helps with some of  the fatigue that I've felt before.  This whole RV/ townhouse thing might present a challenge, but I'd really like to continue on.

    I'm eight weeks pregnant, and I'm still running.   We were able to see the baby for the first time this past week, and hear the baby's heartbeat .  Everything is normal and right on track.  It is always amazing to see the tiny arms and legs already despite the fact that I don't feel pregnant (other than my craving for fudge bars). This tiny little one will have an interesting beginning...it is now less than three weeks till we close, and we haven't signed any leases yet or bought an RV.  I have a feeling this one will be a natural adventurer.   

     Could you tell me if you've had experience with this good or bad?    Also, could you do me one more favor...if you know someone who has experience, could you pass this on to them?  I'd really love to hear some stories and tips!

Flexibility

     We are tossing around a couple of ideas on where we will be living next.  We've looked at a townhouse that is not excessively far from where we are now, but will also allow for a shorter commute for my husband...or we have talked about an RV.  An RV seems like a little crazier idea, but as my husband pointed out this morning, it really is the one that allows the most flexibility.  When we went to look at the townhouse yesterday and the owner asked us the possibility of us breaking our lease before a year was up,  we both had the same puzzled look and said, "We have no idea.".  We should have a better picture of what my husband will be doing for his occupation by this fall, but at this point, we have no idea what our future really holds.  There are things that appeal to me about a townhouse vs. an RV, but I have to admit that I'm sure we would all look back someday with fondness at the "year we sold our house and bought an RV" when our kids are older.  The biggest problem we are facing now is that there is just too much unknown ahead.  We are at a fork in the road.  There is a decision to be made at the bottom of this page in our personal "Choose Your Own Adventure" story.

     This morning I was reading the story of Deborah in Judges, and I saw something that I hadn't seen before.  The hero of the hour that actually killed the general of King Jabin's army (Sisera) was a woman named Jael.  I've read the story before, and always thought that it was a little gory imagining a woman pounding a tent stake through a man's temple to kill him.  What I never saw before was a seemingly out of place verse in Judges 4.  Verse 11 reads, "(Heber, the Kenite--the Kenites were the descendants of Moses' father-in-law Hobab--had moved away from the rest of his clan, and had been living in various places as far away as the Oak of Sa-anannim, near Kedesh.)".  I thought it was odd that this was in the middle of the paragraph about the army of Israel fighting off Sisera's army at Kedesh.  Also, why was it in parathensis?  Later on in verse 17 it all makes sense that it was setting the scene when it says that "Meanwhile, Sisera had escaped to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was a mutual-assistance agreement between King Jabin of Hazor and the clan of Heber."  It struck me that had Heber (Jael's husband)  not decided to leave his clan and move around to "various places" that Jael wouldn't have been in the right spot to fulfill her destiny by conquering Sisera. It doesn't say why Heber moved around to various places, but it does hint at an agreement of assisting King Jabin.  Maybe he moved where the work was...this is just a guess on my part.

     This made me start thinking that perhaps God orchestrated Heber's destiny (and need to move around) to also help Jael find and fulfill her destiny.  If Jael had said, "That's it, Heber!  I'm sick and tired chasing YOUR dream!  I hate moving around all the time, and living in a tent!!  We don't even have any family around to help us!", she would've never fulfilled her destiny.  Maybe by following my husband to "various places", God will help me to find and fulfill my destiny.  Knowing this history in the Bible, encourages me to be more flexible with our future. There are many things about my destiny that are still vaguely fuzzy, but I know that I'm at peace and glad to be following my hubby.  My hands are up as our roller coaster of life is climbing this next hill, and we're laughing together about all the wonderful possibilities to come.