Feeling loved

      I remember a time when I despised church because of all the hypocrisy I saw. It seemed like there were only couple of good apples mixed in with the dozens of rotten apples. Everyone seemed to only care about the surface issues, but there was no real love among the people. I felt really sick just thinking about walking into a church.  Honestly though, I generally felt ill at ease around all groups of people starting in my teen years. There was a constant awareness within me that people would be judging me based on what their impression was of me.  I can't tell you how many times people would later tell me how their first impression of me was wrong.  I became convinced that no one would like me, and it made me want to avoid people at all cost. I felt that people who liked me were the exception, not the rule.
      Then I went to something called the Great Banquet for the first time about five years ago, and everything changed. It is a three day event where you are fed well spiritually and physically (I've been pregnant the three times I've gone through...the food is amazing). You give up your phone and watch but gain quiet time to actually listen without distraction. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly loved the way I'd always pictured the church loving each other. I saw real people being real about their flaws, and it deeply moved me. While I was there,  I realized that Christ sought out the most messed up people of His time because they were the ones who needed Him the most. It is no different today. The church is filled with sinners who continue to mess up but are forgiven. God knows I am one of them. After going through my three day weekend,  I knew I wanted to be a part of the church again...but to be real about my flaws. I wanted to show others love without the judgement that had turned me off to the church. I also really felt loved by God, and I finally believed that if God loved me, it didn't matter what anyone else thought of me. It gave me the courage to confess to people as God led me to because my focus was on what He thought of me. His love never changes. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less.
     I just went through another weekend this month; this time I served and shared my own flaws. I love being a part of a community of believers that are not afraid to admit their humanity in the name of helping others see Christ in a new light.  I went away from the weekend with tons of new sisters in Christ, and more fuel for my fire.   
      Maybe you are like I was and feel disillusioned with the church. Maybe you are apart of a church,  but you are in need of a little love. I would invite you to consider going through a three day event. There are lots of different ones depending on your denomination or location including Great Banquet, Tres Dias, Walk to Emmaus, Via de Cristo, or Crusillo. It is just one tool among many that God can use to reach you. I just want you to know that you are officially invited. What you do with the invitation is completely up to you.