Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Duke

          Yesterday my five year old lost her very first pet, Duke, our lone Rhode Island Red rooster. He was beautiful and was almost fully grown. His tail feathers has just begun to grow longer with a lovely dark green to them. He had also begun to crow his trademark "cock-a-doodle-doo" first thing in the morning.
              Our next door neighbor called to apologize and tell us that their German Shepherd had seen our chickens out in the tall grass next to the road. Much to their chagrin, she began chasing and killing them. They tried calling her off,  but she had already killed several. We were saddened to find three hens and one beautiful rooster dead.  Five of our ten chickens survived and one remains MIA. My five year old hoped out-loud that her strong and fast rooster hadn't been killed, but I told her that if his hens had been threatened,  I was positive he would have charged out to fight and defend them. We found our rooster farthest from the barn as he flew into the dog and lost his life.
              Some of you may be wondering how much a little girl could love a cocky rooster...she loved him a whole lot. She picked him up and carried him around like a cherised cat. He happily laid on her chest. She spent hours picking worms and berries for him. He was the first living thing she was in charge of. 
            I've watched the two older grieve the loss of their first pets, and it always breaks my heart. I know that this is a part of life that just plain stinks, and this isn't the last time they will know loss from death. I'm glad that at the very least we can go through this together.
             My mom helps adults process their loss after losing family members,  so she has given lots of tips over the years that have really helped me with guiding our girls through this (plus I had a lot of experience as a little girl with losing pets and people). Yesterday when I gathered the chickens up, I said goodbye to them out loud. I stroked their feathers and told them my feelings that "I was sorry they died". I watched as my five and three year old did the same. When my dad died, I was afraid to touch him and that haunted me for along time afterwards. Now, it is one of the first things I do to say goodbye.  At first, my older ones said that the rooster was hurt too badly for me to pick him up, but I think it's important for our little girl that he was not left out in the open...that we "cared" for him one last time. I don't want her thinking that we deserted him for other animals to eat him, even if chickens are food. He was special to her.
           I think it's also a great idea to hold a small service for a pet. This is not our first one, so the older girls did some things that were meaningful to them like putting flowers in with their chickens. My second oldest even had all the living chickens peck the flowers as a way for the living to say goodbye to the deceased. I like to say a prayer to thank God for their part in our lives, but also to share how much we hurt and will miss them. I ask God to heal that hurt that I am feeling. I tell Him that I don't understand why, but that I trust Him. We usually sing a favorite song and say a couple scriptures. One of my favorites is the scripture that says how Job responded to loss: "the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)  We laid the hens into the hole first, so that even in death Duke could  "shield" them. Our five year old quickly pointed this out. The girls laid their flowers into the hole with them and we cried over them while sharing our favorite stories about them.
            My oldest offered to bake cupcakes to eat after the service, which models what many people do after traditional funeral services. We've had food after other animal services before. It's a comforting thing to eat something and share funny stories.
           My five year old stood with tears streaming down her face at our funeral. She was not alone. I cried right along with her and told her it'd be normal to feel sad when we saw our chickens missing from the survivors. Two of my hens were killed as well. We all gave her hugs as she sobbed about how she would miss her rooster. We know that we will have more chickens, but that there will never be another Duke. We talked about him at bedtime,  and spoke about how brave he was...how he had laid down his life for his hens...including my favorite, Charlotte.
           Hopefully, long from now, when she says goodbye to a person not only will the process feel familiar,  but she will also remember that her heart did heal after the loss of her pet. At least, we could walk this road together for her first time. I know this is just the beginning of her healing process, but I intend to be there with her along the way. Duke not only served as a great first pet, but also as a integral part in my little girl growing up and learning about a hard part of life. For that I will be forever grateful.
          What have you found to be a meaningful way to say goodbye? How have you helped or been helped to deal with loss?

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