Oh, Snap!

          There is a breaking point for everything and everyone...when you've had it up to here...and you just...snap! Some moments are overwhelming and more than I can handle. If I was made of gingerbread, I would've been a pile of cookie crumbs a week ago. Three different people were texting me while two of the cats were having a fur-flying brawl on the porch, and I was desperately trying to get four kids ready to take overdue books back to library in time for story time. This was my third day off of sugar and caffeine (the first few days can find me a bit snappy). I shared with the kids a little all too freely about feeling overwhelmed.  Half-pint quickly organized the kids getting their shoes on while I arranged a separate dwelling place for the attacked cat. I responded to one text, got creative with the other one, and ignored the last one for a few minutes.  I love having such accessibility to others through my phone; but occasionally,  I'd just like to chuck the whole thing out the window and let the chickens peck it to death.
            The whole day was a bit complicated because my hubby was still waiting for the final word on a potential change of jobs. You know how my word last year was patience, well, that would also be an appropriate way to describe Charles' year.  My hubby began interviewing back in September for a position and was able to finally give his two weeks notice in Mid-January.  It felt like it took a really long time, which was rather frustrating.  It had become clear to both of us over the past year that it was time to look for something different for employment.  I'm excited for the new opportunity and the new challenges it will bring...and grateful that it does not call for relocation.
           In the moment,  life seems overwhelming; but looking back at it all just a few hours later makes it seems so trivial. Maybe perspective should be my word of the year for 2016. Instead, the word that I heard resoundingly on January 1st was "sacrifice". I was currently reading through Leviticus,  which lists out all the rules on sacrifice (along with all the different offerings), so I had a little inner groaning when I heard that word. I was hoping for a more encouraging word. Can I just say that had I lived back in those times, I'm pretty sure we'd be all out of lambs and resorting to turtle doves after a year or two of sacrificing? I can think of half a dozen reasons that I'd have to make a sacrifice just for the past couple of days. As I asked God what He meant about the word, an old song came to my head about bringing the "sacrifice of praise". I did a search and found the scripture behind the song: Hebrews 13:5, "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name." Now that doesn't sound awful, and it won't put us in the poor house. It's a simple exhortation to thank God for the good things. I had never really noticed the next verse either until that day, but it talks about sacrifices too. Hebrews 13:16 says, "And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." Nothing...nothing...nothing makes me happier than giving to someone else. It's part of why I love being a wife, a mother and a friend. If this is what this year is all about, it's easy to say that I'm all in.
          Already this year, Charles gave me the gift of a new treadmill (which quickly showed me how ineffective my outdoor running had been...I had been stopping to pet the cats one too many times). Charles has a new job, which is definitely a blessing to him and us. Mary has found a new routine that seems to be helping her teenage blemishes (involving Apple Cider Vinegar). Missy has gone a whole month without a sore throat (but started one shortly after I started writing this post). The cats are all alive (although still fighting at times). My phone still hasn't been tossed to the chickens yet. I'm going to praise God for the good in our lives and share with others this year. That kind of sacrifice will be a snap.

Perfectly Preposterous

          There comes a day when your baby's name officially becomes an interjection (it ends in an exclamation point nine times out of ten). Our son's name has gone from being whispered with delight to being screamed in outrage and frustration, primarily by his four older sister's. As the only boy, he has an especially mischievous twinkle in his eye as he innocently grabs their most beloved toy of the moment and swipes it faster than you can blink. He also seems to be quite curious about investigating the toilet.
             I was putting away food from supper the other night while supervising the younger kids brush their teeth. (Yes, I thought I could multitask safely...I was so wrong.) I'd forgotten that toddlers need constant supervision...especially in the bathroom. Gracie screamed,  "Moooom, he has his toothbrush in the toilet!!!" I hoped she was exaggerating; but the second I saw him, I knew that it was much worse than she had said. He was brushing his teeth with toilet water! It was all I could do to calmly take away his toothbrush and call it quits for the night without gagging and dreading all the sicknesses to come. Oddly enough, he has remained healthy while three other family members have had sore throats. Maybe there was some helpful bacteria in there?
           He is the youngest , but my first boy. To my suprise (I've heard it takes boys longer), he has decided to start potty training,  which explains some of his recent fascination with the toilet and flushing it. The other night I found him cheering after flushing down the contents from his potty chair all by himself (unfortunately, he had made another large, brown deposit on the floor while congratulating himself). Mr. Blue Eyes also has the distinguished honor of being the first grandkid to sit on Nana's potty chair and somehow pee in between the seat of the potty chair and the container below it. I only discovered it when he started saying "yucky" and pulling at his soaked pants (which led to discovering the soaked socks and surrounding floor). Carrie was already wailing in my ear over her own trauma of something she had done earlier. She was convinced everyone was making fun of her because of it. Gracie entered the bathroom a second time (I had sent her out in search of a napkin once already) while I was frantically sopping up the escaped pee. She was now gagging on the food she realized she didn't like only after taking a huge bite. It had been in her mouth for several minutes to allow for the saliva to really pool. Then, the heaving began. What a fun Christmas memory, right?   
            Occasionally though, I'm the one who's laughing instead of getting grossed out. Two nights ago, Mr. Blue Eyes was hysterical and refusing to sit in his high chair. He was propped up on the edge and kept screaming, "Poop! Poop!"  On closer inspection,  I found dried taco meat in his chair. Dried taco meat bothers him, but not the receptacle that you flush the "dried taco meat" down. Boys are curious beings.      
          My word for the year is "patience", and I think so far it fits my year perfectly.  It's the one thing I'd like to develop more of in myself and in our kids. I'm using James 1:2-4 as my verse through this year. Joyce Meyer has it written out as a declaration (based on TLB) to speak like this: "I'll be happy when the way is rough, because it gives my patience a chance to grow. So I will let it grow, and not try to squirm out of my problems. For when my patience is finally in full bloom, then I will be ready for anything, strong in  character, fully complete."
           Mr. Blue Eyes is doing a swell job of giving me practice. His second birthday is right around the corner, so I think we're headed toward a fun filled year of constant supervision.  We've done this two-year-old thing before (and we've had a few struggles). Looking forward to this practice seems a tad preposterous, and still I have my hopes set high that this'll be a great year.

What's the best way you keep your busy child out of trouble?

Shooting at the Walls of Heartache

          ..."Bang! Bang!"   Do you know the next line of this song by Patty Smyth? It has to do with my word for this year. A few years ago, I started asking God for a word for the year. I hadn't really thought about it till the end of this year when our pastor brought it up.  On New Year's Day, I found myself running on our treadmill in our basement asking God for the word. Pretty quickly the word "warrior" came into my head. "Wow!" I thought. "That's way cooler than some of the other words I had in the past (the year I had "perseverance" was a very challenging one)." In my head, I started singing "Shooting at the walls of heartache...Bang! Bang! I am the warrior." The next thought that came in my head was "What an arrogant word! I can't tell anyone this!?" The truth is I am not a warrior. I have felt defeated and broken. Remember my post "Frozen". I had a harder time writing that than any post to date. I literally froze. I thought that maybe God wants to make me into a warrior this year, and that's what it meant. I usually pick a verse to go with it, so I did a search for "warrior" on Bible Gateway. All I turned up were lots of verses about God being a warrior (and others being warriors). None of them spoke of God promising to turn a person into one.  I've really felt like I'm in the battle of my life especially this fall, so I don't think God is saying "Caroline,  you are a warrior." Otherwise,  I'd already be victorious.  I believe I will be victorious but not because I'm some heroic person.  I can't do this alone.

I can't do it at all.

              I need someone to fight for me. This last week, I read Exodus 33:13 in the Amplified version; and it practically jumped off the page at me. It says, "Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You [progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with You, perceiving and recognizing and understanding more strongly and clearly] and that I may find favor in Your sight. And [Lord, do] consider that this nation is Your people." This was a request Moses made to God, and all week long this has been my request to God. I want God to go to battle on my behalf for what I cannot do on my own.
          I looked back at the search again while I was writing this post. I didn't see half the verses the first time for some reason. I saw a couple of verses that caught my attention. I read Proverbs 16:32 and felt a twinge of guilt over my failures in the patience department. "Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city." As many people have pointed out the "fruits of the Spirit" like "self-control" are something evidenced in our life because we have the Holy Spirit living in us. What better way to request his fruit than to asking Him to guide us and show us His way? I'm not going to feel guilty about that verse, but I will memorize it to use the next time I get into a power struggle with my little tyrant. ("Think, patience, Caroline, not war!")

The verse that most testifies to what I think this year's word should mean is this verse: Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” As I ask God for His favor this year to know Him better and in a deeper way, I can almost hear Him singing, "Shooting at the walls of heartache...Bang! Bang! I am the Warrior!"

What is your word/verse for the year? I'd love to have you leave a comment...