The Doormat

     I know there are some people who think that I am a doormat in my marriage.  Some people reading this might even think that, but for the record that is not who I am.  My marriage is not a dictatorship.  It is run a lot more like a democracy.  We all discuss things together, and everyone's opinion is considered.  However as the president of our family, my husband does have veto power.  I feel like my opinion is valued, and very welcomed by him.  Early on in my marriage I had a hard time not offering my opinion on everything and anything.  I think the fact that I let him make the end choice gives him the freedom to try things the way that he thinks will be best for our entire family.  It enables him to be a real leader.

    As I hinted to during the first ten years of my marriage, I really tried to change the things about my husband that were "obviously" wrong with him.  It didn't work very well.  He didn't change, and I felt miserable to boot.  I even spent some time wondering if I'd made a mistake in whom I married.  I'm sure that he did that at times too...as I am not perfect either.  Then about five years ago, I went through a weekend retreat called the Great Banquet, and it changed everything.  My relationship dramatically changed with God, and it impacted every other relationship including my marriage.  About three years ago is when I really began to feel compelled to let go of my controlling tendencies, and try to let my husband lead as God led him.  It is a growing process, and I'm still learning as I go.  I still have relapses, and thankfully my hubby and God are forgiving...but I truly feel like I'm making forward progress.  To those of you out there that are afraid to let your husband lead, I have to say that although it has been challenging at times I feel much more at peace and much happier.  I used to have issues sleeping.  Despite the fact that we are still unsure of where we will be moving to in less than four weeks, I haven't lost a single night's sleep.  I've been sleeping like a baby.  This is a big change from the way my life ran even five years ago.

     I do not get trampled on in my marriage, but I am gently protected beneath his arm.  When I was willing to let my husband lead,  I found that he became extremely protective of me.   I am not the doormat; I'm his right hand girl.

      Also, I really love my husband.  Many people may not figure into the mix how much my husband really loves me as well.   He knows everything about me (and I do mean EVERYTHING--I don't keep secrets from him), and he still loves me and accepts me for who I am. I have a lot of faults and he's chosen to overlook my mistakes and still love me. That alone is enough to make me willing to follow him to the ends of the earth.