Facing Your Fears

     I used to be afraid that if people knew how horribly messed up I really am, no one would  like me.  Now that I only really care what God thinks of me, that fear has gone bye-bye.  The last time I was pregnant, a new fear surfaced...that we would move out of our current house and downsize.  When my hubby talked about moving into a much smaller house around the corner, I seriously felt panic-stricken.  When I discussed this with my mentor, she told me that I should give myself a break...I was around 20 weeks pregnant at the time and of course, hormones can make everything seem more intense than it really is.  She also reassured me that it probably wouldn't happen, "Even God is reasonable".

    So here we are, about 3 weeks away from our close date and with no job offer to move for, we are now looking at renting near where we currently live.  My hubby's current job will keep him commuting till the end of September.  We are not sure what is after that. Nothing has been formally decided, and none of the interviews has led to anything solid so far.  This, of course, could all change with just one phone call...but it is time to start working on plan B.  It also means that it's not the time to look at a permanent residence like buying a house or even looking at renting something for the next year.  We might be able to commit to a couple of months, but that's it.

     This morning, I realized that I'm now facing my greatest fear once again three years later during a different pregnancy:  moving from our comfy finished house to some place that we can rent on a month by month basis which will be most likely also be a downsize.  Although the prospect doesn't thrill me, I'm not freaking out either...maybe that will happen when we actually start living elsewhere.  I don't know, but I like to think that I'm beginning to feel a little of what the apostle Paul wrote about in Philipians 4:12-13 where he shares about his secret to contentment whether he had little or plenty..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  I can't tell you that I am the picture of contentment, but I'm not worried either.  I can hear my husband's laughter as he reads that last statement; but when I vowed to love, honor, obey and cherish my husband in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, I really meant it.