The Gray Area

         Life is full of black and white; but between the black and white, there is the gray area...that's the tricky part, the part I find the most frustrating and confusing. It's the area that's open to personal opinion and interpretation. Friday night I spent several hours in the local ER with my five year old due to the gray area. She tested positive for strep on her throat on Thursday. When she'd been on antibiotics for more than 24 hours and her fever had jumped from 102.3 to 104.8 (without the ibuprofen) in the same 24 hour period, I began to feel that the antibiotics might not be helping. When I looked at her tonsils, I saw that her tonsils had gone beyond just having pus on them to having great big red streaks as well. I called the after hours hotline in hopes of either being told to sit tight for another 12 hours and watch what happens or to have a different antibiotic prescribed. Instead,  I was told that I had to take her to the ER. I tried to reason with the nurse that I knew the fever was responding to the ibuprofen,  and I could take another temp immediately if that was her concern...but she had consulted another nurse and was concerned that something more was involved due to the high temp. Here was the gray area. I didn't believe anything would come of our visit to the ER. Indeed three hours later when we were seen, she was fever and pain free. However,  there was this nagging thought of "what if". What if there was a bigger problem with her, and my stubborness got in the way of her well-being. It was worth it to me to lose the time, just to be safe.
            Selling a home has turned out to have huge gray areas. There is a fine line between what is legal and what is morally right. We found a legal proposal to fixing our existing septic system, but after third and fourth opinions,  we have chosen to replace it completely...so it is in no way a detractor from someone wanting to buy it. Another gray area we have dealt with recently is whether or not we could keep the earnest money from our buyer that backed out. After looking into it for a day, we were told we had no right to it.
            Our next step is a huge gray area too...not just what to do from a monetary standpoint,  but also from a psychological standpoint. Part of me wants to just leave now and start our new life in Kansas...the other part of me is dealing with closure from all the ties and relationships we have built here for the past twelve years. Today when my eldest daughter said goodbye to her best friend who'd be gone for the next four weeks, I wanted to cry. I doubt we will still be here in four weeks. This could be the last time in a long time for them to see each other. I did cry a little later, but I chose to be grateful that my daughter had another chance to hang out with her bestie. One of our daughters is coping with our move by spending more time alone. She is a natural extrovert, so it's strange seeing her so reclusive.   I talked to her a couple of weeks ago about this, and it was a relief to hear her finally share how she was feeling through all this. We both agreed that the hardest part of this is not knowing what the future holds. Will our next house be as wonderful? Will we find friends quickly? Will we settle for another twelve years? We don't know these answers, but I encouraged her that when these thoughts raced to her mind to think about how God knows all about our future...He has promised plans to prosper us, not to harm us (Jer. 29:11). Our future may be shrouded in gray mystery, but my calling as wife to love, honor, and obey my hubby in both the good times and the bad is not. I made a promise, a vow in front of God and my family. God knew what those words would cost me, and He also knew all the good things that I would be blessed with as a result. I know our future together will hold challenges,  but ultimately good things as well.
        My five year old has been obsessed with drawing me pictures almost daily of rainbows. Below is my favorite that I named "Bridge Over Troubled Water With a Rainbow" (my daughter was willing to sell it for two cents). The rainbow reminds me of God fulfilling His promises.  I need that reminder a lot lately. The bridge reminds me of His help through the rough spots. Life is not just full of black and whites and gray areas. If you look hard enough through the sunlight and your tears, you will see the beautiful rainbow of His promises.