There are things things that scare me and then there are things that truly annoy me. Most people don't know this about me, but losing one peice of any game or puzzle...or kid's toy...ahem...is almost enough to put me on edge permanently. Most of the kid's toys we own have multiple peices, so motherhood has been a little rough on my obsession with wholeness. I will often spend half an hour (in vain, might I add) looking for one missing Little People horse, so I can put him in the barn and hear the satisfying whiny from shutting the gate of his full paddock. I used to lie awake at night haunted by missing toys. We lost the 5th cup in a stacking set of eight cups for four years. (Just think of how crucial that number is in building a tower!) I'm not sure how many hours of sleep I lost from that one. We found the cup several years later in the bottom of our couch. I've gotten better at accepting that things will inevitably turn up; and nowadays, most of the time, I can just let it go.
Recently, I had one that I couldn't. Remember the book I'm reading about fear? I haven't been able to find it for almost three weeks now! How am I suppososed to get over this issue if I can't find my book?! I asked God, and that's when He reminded me that He actually wrote the best book on fear, EVER, the Bible. For my birthday (a week ago), I got just what I wanted: a new Turquoise leatherette Joyce Meyer Everyday Life Bible, brimming with "life points" and study thoughts. I decided to start using the new Bible's study section on fear. I've been writing down the verses listed and meditating on them. Guess what? I still find my heart racing at times, but when I remember the verse for the day it does help my panic deflate a notch. Psalms 91:4 is a favorite verse that I meditated on this past week. It says, "[Then] He will cover you with His pinion, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and faithfulness are a shield and a buckler. " I love the mental imagery of a bird's protection. I've seen first-hand how protective mother birds are of their young, so I especially love this verse.
A funny thing happened right after I wrote this. I found my book. When I lose something, I typically look where I think I left it. If I can't find it, I pray that God will show me where it is (this is what my mother modeled for me). I usually always have a place come to mind, and I almost always find lost things. I kept feeling like it was under my bed, but I'd already looked there at least twice. I looked again and this time I saw it along with three other things that had been lost (one since the beginning of September). Later while getting out my purse, I found a power cord that had been lost since February. On our way home from church, Carrie said the best thing about her day was finding her Bible. Gracie said the best thing was finding her two sunglasses. We had found those things in the morning, and I didn't start this post until this afternoon. Before I had even started this post, God had begun uncovering lost items. It was without fail the overriding theme of my day.
Little things can frustrate me; but some lost things can threaten to bury a person, things like lost hope. We have moved to very hilly country, and Half-pint has complained of headaches nearly every time we driven on them for the past year. We've tried essential oils, moving her to the front seat of the van, and even feeding her proteins vs. carbs before car rides. We tried her pediatrician's suggestions and our chiropractor's suggestion with no luck. The headaches have persisted, prompting her to beg for days to stay home. There many times that I wondered if we were crazy for moving out here. Half-pint had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to assess how effective the antibiotics were against the Lyme's disease that she was diagnosed with in September. Our trip to the office was tense for me because I've heard many people talk about trouble with the antibiotics working for Lyme disease and/or the long term effects. I was totally relieved to hear her doctor say that we didn't need to come back EVER (unless her symptoms returned). Other than a few extra tummy aches, she tolerated the antibiotics really well. I'm beyond relieved that God has fully healed her. Half-pint told me that it doesn't hurt anymore to move or run, so she can once again play games in the AWANA program we go to. That was beautiful news, but the thing that made my heart sing the most was hearing her say her headaches have all but disappeared as well. Apparently, that was tied into the Lyme disease as well.
It felt like God was saying, "I hear your prayers; and as you continue to believe that I hear them and will move on your behalf, you will find more than just some lost items. You will find your courage to face each challenge, no matter how big. I am BIGGER than all of your problems. You may still feel the fear, but it will not define you if you remember who I am." Proverbs 29:25 says, "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high."
When the Little People horse mysteriously showed up at the rug by our front door today, I knew that it was no accident. It was a gift and a reminder not to lose hope...God is with me.
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