One of my favorite kid's movies is "Enchanted". I love the character Amy Smart plays as "Giselle" and how she is so naive and prone to break out in song (maybe this is because I was told growing up that I was a bit naive, and as my girls will attest, I often break out in song...although my voice is nowhere near as lovely as Giselle's). One of my favorite montages of the movie is the song "How Do You Know?" It's a lovely little ditty about showing the love of your life that you care.
I was recently reminded of the concept of showing your love for God from a dear friend. If we fall in love with anyone, we certainly will show this by the lives we lead. We start dressing differently to impress them. We become interested over night in whatever they really love to know them better. It is no different in our love for God. Jesus said, "If you love me, keep my commandments." ( John 14:15) Because we love Him, we will naturally want to please Him. There, however, is a world of difference between doing something out of love for God versus trying to do something to earn God's love.
"There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you less." This is one of the most beautiful concepts taught at the event called the Great Banquet. It is based on the concept of God loving us unconditionally...which is taught in I John 4:19 that talks about us loving Him because He first loved us and in Romans 5. Verse 8 in Romans talks about God showing His love for us by Christ dying for us while we were still sinners. We didn't have to be "cleaned" up to be loved.
My dad was a pastor and felt very strongly about his beliefs, as most pastors do. He took Deuteronomy 22:5 to mean that women should not wear pants, so I never owned a pair of pants till after he died, when I was a teenager. My mom honored his conviction their entire marriage even though she didn't share it. My mom and my dad were both raised Amish (although neither ever joined the Amish church), so they were used to being different from everyone else. They didn't live with electricity or automobiles ...it was kerosene lamps and buggies for them.
I, on the otherhand, struggled with being different. All I ever wanted growing up was to fit in. I remember hating going to the mall and feeling that everyone was staring at me because I was wearing coolots instead of shorts like everyone else. (If you are unfamiliar with coolots, think seriously bell-bottomed shorts...they came into favor again about seven years ago, but I couldn't bring myself to purchase any). I'm sure some of this was imagined, but not all of it. I knew I was different, and I didn't feel like it was a positive thing back then. When my dad died, I was 13; and I grieved his death horribly. I adored my dad! I do remember feeling a little relieved though when after he died my mom said that she saw nothing wrong with wearing pants or jeans as long as it was feminine. The letter of that Old Testament law might have prohibited pants, but the spirit of the law was to only prohibit manly attire. I doubt my husband thinks I look manly in my jeans. Do you, honey?
The problem I have with a literal adherance to every law in the Old Testament is the sheer volume of the laws. How do you decide which to keep? If you decide to keep one, doesn't that mean you should keep them all? Aren't they all equally important? Well then, we would need to sew blue tassels on the corner of our garments (Numbers 15:38) and not mix linen with wool (Duet 22:11). Who can actually remember all of them let alone keep them? There is also a tendency with rule keeping to feel that we are somehow earning our way into heaven (which was one of my mom's biggest beefs against the Amish church). Ephesians 2:8-9 clearly states that it is by grace that we are saved (which is God's gift), not through works, "lest any man should boast". We should follow rules out of love for God, not to score brownie points with God.
How do I know God loves me? Well as Roy Rogers and Dale Evans sing, "The Bible Tells Me So" (which was one of my favorite songs from my childhood). Don't take my word for it. Read it and you'll know too.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
How Do You Know He Loves You?
Friday, February 22, 2013
Extra-Sharp White Cheddar Woes
I really love Mac 'N Cheese. A few months ago, I read the ingredients in the Velveeta I had been using to make my "homemade" version and I was seriously grossed out by some of the ingredients (mmm...want some alginate in your cheese? Oh wait! Should I call it cheese? Cheese culture is the last ingredient!?) and also by the fact that it can safely sit at room temperature for months at a time. I haven't wanted to buy the non-refrigerated Kraft Parmesan cheese for the same reason. Highly processed things just don't seem to be very healthy to consume on a weekly basis.
I still love Mac 'N Cheese though, so I've been enjoying the occasional bowl from Panera. It tastes out of this world (and realistically may have other unhealthy items in it, but I'm hopeful that it's a step above Velveeta). Since I'm already up several times a night nursing a newborn, I entertained myself earlier this week by looking online for a recipe like Panera's. Despite boycotting Velveeta, I've still been trying desperately to find a tasty version that uses actual cheese. The only thing I've succeeded in is finding a bunch of recipes I don't like (and finally concluding that I don't like baked versions at all). I was thrilled this past Sunday when I found the recipe for Mac 'N Cheese on-line on Panera's own website. On Monday, I went to Walmart to purchase what I'd need. They didn't have extra-sharp white cheddar cheese, but I thought I'd just substitute with the orange sharp cheddar cheese (the recipe also called for white american cheese, but I substituted the orange for that too). When I told my hubby about my supper plans, he warned that it wouldn't be the same without the white cheddar...but I assured him that other reviewers insisted that the orange worked just as well. I hate to admit it, but my hubby was right. Everyone ate it (with a good deal of ketchup), but it was a huge disappointment to me. I thought I was having all-you-can-eat "Ultimate Mac 'N Cheese". Did Panera alter the recipe, so I'd be back for the real deal?
That's the way it is in real life too. There is just no substitute for some things. We've all seen people with a pasted on smile just for show. This past Thursday I took our 3 week old son in for his newborn hearing screening at the local hospital (since he was born at home and hadn't had it tested yet). I was struck by the fake smiles pasted on the workers there. Most of them acted preoccupied and disinterested in really helping you, despite the grin they were sporting. In light if my most recent desire to really love my children despite their annoying whining or impatience, I was struck by John 15:11-12, which shows a connection between joy and love. We are commanded to love each other as Christ has loved us, and the result of following this command is "that our joy may be full". Loving those around me unconditionally will bring me joy. I'm choosing this day to love. I may need to quote this verse out loud a few times, but there'll be no substitution here...just the real deal.
So who out there knows where I can get some really great extra-sharp white cheddar cheese?
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Like a Rock
"You're not my mother. Don't tell me what to do." These were the first words the new boy said to me on the playground. I was in 4th grade, and he was in 5th. Those words devastated me and all my hopes of love. I had a huge crush on him, and I was desperate to talk to him. I was captured while playing "boys against the girls" at recess, and I decided to take the opportunity to give him a few suggestions on how to build the prison for the girls. I had no idea at the time that I was talking to my future husband (who, by the way, has his masters degree in engineering). Apparently, he forgot about his harsh words to me...but I didn't. Later that summer at school camp, I had my revenge. He had a girl ask me out and ask if I thought he was cute. I refused him, and said I didn't think he was cute just to spite him. Today is the third Thursday blog hop sponsored by Hearts at Home and the topic is no more perfect marriages.
Over the past 15 years of marriage, I've learned a lot. Our marriage has definitely had it's ups and downs. I believe we have grown closer over the years, and I think my husband's initial words to me have stayed true to this day. At times in my marriage, I've been tempted to treat my husband as a child instead of as a partner...arrogantly assuming that I am right and he is wrong. How could he be so blind!? God has really worked on my heart to let him walk in the role that he is meant for as the leader of our home. Taking on the role of a mother instead of a spouse insinuates authority for the "mother" which isn't my role. Letting him lead has taken us on many wonderful adventures like moving to our most recent home this past summer, and I'm glad for the choices he has made because they have worked out for my good...like the amazing water birth we had at home just three weeks ago because of the house he wanted to move into. By letting go, I got an even better house.
Jill Savage talks about not referring to our husbands as our "children" in her new book, "No More Perfect Moms". I think she makes great points about it being demeaning and disrespectful. Respecting our husbands is THE command God has given us concerning our husbands. Ephesians 5:23 uses the word "submit", and I can feel some of you cringing right now...trust me when I say that I've been right there with you (this was the story about the beginning of my surrender).
Letting my husband lead has helped me to let go of a lot of anxieties that I was unnecessarily carrying. It has also opened up our communication about things that we used to argue over. There is no longer a battle, but a collaboration. He knows I'm not trying to control the situation which allows him freedom in discussing situations without fearing judgement on my part. I'm not perfect, and sometimes I still find myself trying to run the show...but it happens a lot less (and it's much easier to catch nowadays). I'm still learning as I go, but my heart is in this marriage 100%. It's really important to me that we model a "normal" marriage for our children...not necessarily a perfect one. I want them to be able to look at our marriage, and see the good that is there along with the disagreements that we resolve. I want them to know that my respect and love for their father is solid...like a rock.
The Price is Right
I remember watching the show "The Price Is Right" with Bob Barker as the host. As a teenager, I was deeply disturbed that all these women would run up on stage and kiss Mr. Barker when they had won the chance to play the next game. I never believed the price would ever be right for me to want to do that. I saw a value in my kisses, no matter how innocent it was. I wish I could always be mindful of the value of my words.
Recently, I was reminded of that. A Bible study I attend on Tuesday mornings (while my school aged girls get to take an art class) talked extensively on that topic. If I had to give my day a theme, it would've been "overflowing pee". I'm getting pretty used to the never-ending pile of baby clothes, burp, rags and soiled wash clothes (which is what I use each diaper change to deflect the fountain of pee my 3 week old son produces). However, I wasn't really expecting him to overflow his diaper during Bible study, leaving a large wet spot on my jeans. After taking him to the bathroom to change his clothes (wish I'd have had a fresh change too), he proceeded to pee all over his blanket that I used to cover the changing table. How does that work? How can there possibly be enough urine in his tiny bladder to overflow a diaper, and them two minutes later douse a changing table?? I determined that I would still enjoy my remaining time at Bible study and I did.
After Bible study, my 8 year old informed me that we'd have to go to Walmart immediately because there was only half a bowl of cat food left...despite her telling me Saturday that we had half a bag left of a 14lb bag. Her approximation must have been off because our two cats took three weeks to eat the other "half". The day was especially biting cold, and I didn't relish having my wet jeans freeze against my thigh. At least, we were already out of the house. I hadn't planned snacks for being gone so long, and it was a little grating to hear declarations of hunger the whole trip...a bag of almonds and pumpkin seeds in my diaper bag don't look very appealing next to the suckers, Twizzlers, and pez at the check-out line. I did tell my 8 year old daughter at the end of the trip that I was thankful that she took such good care to fill the cats' food bowl that she was aware they needed food today instead of neglecting them. She smiled a little at that.
We'd made it through all of this without the baby waking up, but that was all about to change. My four year old declared that she needed to pee as we pulled away from Walmart in a voice of panic. I told her that I'd be stopping to donate some formula at a local church, and she could come in with me to use the potty. Then my two year old chimed in that she too had to go potty although I'm convinced she more curious about the different bathroom than really needing to go. At that point, my newborn began wailing. There was no warm up fussing. It was a full-fledged scream-so-hard-you-cannot-breathe cry, and I could quickly see the situation derailing. I switched gears and told the four year old she'd have to use the emergency potty we stow under the back seat in our minivan. I also told the two year old she could just use her diapers if she needed to. (I know that is so anti-potty training/good parenting, but I can't listen to a baby cry). We were only 10 minutes from home and real food for lunch (and dry jeans). I could feel my anger rising when I got back into the van from dropping off the formula only to find my four year old talking to our screaming infant instead of sitting on the potty. I decided to try out my Bible study lesson and ask for God's peace. I didn't have an overwhelming infusion at that moment, but it did feel good to yell to someone who wouldn't be hurt by my volume or what I was saying. Remember my theme for the day? Well, my four year old had to pee so badly that she peed over the front edge of the potty onto the carpet. As my 8 year old complained about the smell in the van, I was quick to quip that at least she didn't have to clean it up. As I finally pulled away from the church, the baby stopped crying; and I realized how pointless my anger over all this was. It was just making the situation worse for all of us. I cried out again to God to ask for His help, and I began to tell the girls about the story of my wet jeans from the baby. I started recounting other stories from when my 10 and 8 year old had overflowed potties or had emergencies, and suddenly the mood lightened. There were smiles on my older daughters faces because they'd forgotten these tales as well as smiles from my little ones who weren't around to know these stories. My anger completely vanished, and I did feel at peace. The value of those words were priceless, and at that moment I could feel every one soothing our souls.
Our main passage from Bible study was 2 Corinthians 4. Verses 8-9 say, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. " Thank God that I might have been peed on, hungry, and at my wits end, but He heard my cry and answered me. If I could kiss Him right now, I would. Since I can't, I will instead kiss the five children He has given us instead.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Most of All We Love
Recently, a dear friend of mine gave us a wall hanging that listed goals for our family. It talked about us "laughing" and "being patient...most of the time" and ended in "most of all, we love". It felt a bit ironic that just a few minutes before my friend arrived I had not shown much love to my two year old (who had chosen to come all the way into my bedroom to whine about how hungry she was). Our little boy was a little over a week old, so my mom was at our house helping run our household. My husband went back to work after playing Mr. Mom the first week, and I was so thankful to have my mom make the meals and keep up on the cleaning for an additional week. It makes me feel like I'm on vacation. However, this particular morning did not feel like vacation but torture. I hate being interrupted. My mom was watching "Little House on the Prairie" with all the girls, and I was taking advantage of what I thought was a quiet moment before my friend arrived to watch the tutorial on the Storkenwege wrap I had been given. I was trying to learn how to tie a flat knot vs. a sliding knot when my two year old entered and rolled all over the floor hollering for something to eat. Truthfully, at first she probably came into the room "talking" at a reasonable volume to me while I desperately tried to ignore her and watch the video (Was I supposed to lay the fabric to my right or the demonstrator's right?). I half-heartedly tried to convince her to talk to "Nana" about her food crisis while watching the video; and that's when she resorted to desperate measures of shrieking on the floor, completely overwhelming the quiet woman's voice teaching me all about knots. This is when I could ignore her no longer.
I finally told her that she needed to wait for my help till after I watched the video clip since she was supposed to take up food requests with my mom. She was having none of this...which is when I snapped and told her that if she didn't leave the room, I'd be forced to help her. She chose to stay; so despite my lifting restrictions, I quickly hefted her out of the room and locked the door. This part of my room has glass-paned french doors, so I could see the hurt look on her face when she cried and hugged the baby peacefully sleeping on my bed in the other part of our room. At that moment, I wished I had stopped the tutorial and shown love by giving her my undivided attention for a few minutes. A half an hour later, I felt more than a little guilty over my choice when I read the plaque about how "most of all, we love". It felt like no accident when earlier this week a friend blogged about focusing on love during this lent which just happened to start the day before Valentine's. I know God is trying to get a message through to me. My nerves have been a little raw this week as I have adjusted to lack of sleep and our new routine, and I have snapped at our girls more than once.
I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 13. If I blog about things of importance but do not show love in my words to my girls, I am like a clanging cymbal. Even if I read my Bible every day and complete my forty minutes of Beth Moore Bible Study but don't share my time with the girls, I am nothing. Even if I give my girl's conversation Jelly Belly's for Valentine's Day, but don't show love when they truly need a my help getting food...I gain nothing. Knowing how to tie knots will fade away. Getting enough sleep will eventually seem like less of a priority. Having my own space will gradually come again. What my family needs right now is my love, so I'm asking God to help me make it my top priority.
What are you struggling with right now? I'd love to hear from you.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Pressure Cooker
"Are you sure you want to homeschool this year when you're having a new baby?" We share a driveway and garage with a very near neighbor despite the fact that we live in the country on 10 acres; so before we signed anything, we went over to meet them to get a feel for how we all got along. They have been great neighbors, and I'll never forget the true concern in her voice when we talked about homeschooling. I think many people think it must be a nuisance to take on teaching our kids along with everything else a stay at home mom does, but I have found them to compliment each other nicely. Granted I spend several hours a day reading, teaching, and grading homework...but the perks are overwhelmingly in my favor.
I've had a new little one while trying to get everyone out the door in time for the school. It doesn't matter if the baby (or I) just finally fell asleep after a rough night. I am forced to get everyone up. I've seen the tears from my daughter over how much she misses the baby, whereas now they can hold him while I read to them. I felt the stress of trying to keep enough uniforms clean or their reading log up to date. Yes, I had down time during the day; but listening to a newborn scream on the way to pick up a sibling, left me more frazzled than I was before my "down time". Some of you may be wondering why I didn't just use the bus.
We didn't live in a neighborhood that I could use the bus without paying...and even then, I wouldn't necessarily relish the words a unsupervised 4th grader might be saying in front of my kindergartener.
It has been great to spend time as a family for the past two weeks that we've taken off for our newest arrival. I love spending time eating a hot breakfast instead of spending time dropping off the girls. I love watching the girls get to know their brother. I don't know how long we will homeschool. I don't even know if we will next year, but I know that I'm so thankful to be able to this year! It takes me out of the pressure cooker of traditional school (even though there's still a little heat from the oven of our own goals for the girls).
Friday, February 8, 2013
The Longest Night
Today our son was circumcised. He took it well considering what was being done. The doctor even commented on how little crying he did. It is now 11:40 at night,and I assure you that he is not taking it well anymore. He's had his tyelenol, but that's not cutting it. He has nursed non-stop except for burping and diaper changes since 6:00 tonight.
Apparently, it feels better to pee in the air than the diaper, and the procedure has greatly increased his range. He was peeing on his umbilical cord but tonight he got his face, ear, hair (and almost my pillow). We're on outfit number 4 and our second set of sheets. Every time I think he is soundly asleep and lay him down, he starts screaming after about 30 seconds of calm sleeping. Of course, I can't blame him. Watching the procedure was enough to almost make me pass out, but I don't ever want my child to go through something painful alone. I may not be able to do anything to ease the pain; but I, at the very least, will not let them feel that they've been abandoned.
That's really what tonight is all about. All the snuggling and holding may not take away the pain, but at least it can comfort him. Eight days ago, I also went through a good deal of pain, and one of the things that made it bearable was hearing my hubby cheer me on. He kept telling me how awesome I was doing, and how it'd be all over very soon. Right now, I'm cheering my son on and holding him as long as he needs me too...even if it's all night. It may feel like the longest night, but the truth is that the night can only last so long. "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Ps. 30:5)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
In the Still of the Night
Congratulations, Chantel! You are the winner of your very own copy of "No More Perfect Moms"! I will be sending your copy in the mail. Just be sure to follow the directions listed in the last post, so you can claim all your freebies. "How to Fight For Your Marriage" was probably one of my favorite sessions of all time from the annual Hearts at Home conference, so be sure to check that one out.
Life has changed around our house with a new little one. Everyone has been impacted, and I just want to say thank you to my hubby and daughters for taking such good care of me. Because we had a home birth, yesterday was our first outing and the second time for my feet hitting the stairs. That means I have had A LOT of fabulous room service between water, meals, and yummy snacks ( the grilled burgers my hubby made hit the spot...along with French Toast...and fresh cinnamon rolls--TWICE). I'm getting hungry just thinking about it! I'm hoping soon my hubby will do a guest blog all about it.
My hubby is headed back to work tomorrow, so my mom is here to step into my role for the remaining week of my two week "vacation". The girls are also enjoying their two weeks off from school and fight daily over gets to hold the baby. My biggest adjustment by far is managing diaper changes. This is our first boy, so I'm not used to the fountain effect. I believe we will be looking into a Peepee Teepee.
I have affectionately nicknamed our newest addition "Zyggy Piggy" (Any "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" fans out there??), and he is living up to his name with his good appetite. He had his first pediatrician appointment yesterday, and is doing very well. He gets up twice a night to feed (yesterday his night was from 8:30pm to 8am), but his feedings take almost a full hour at night especially if it involves a diaper change or outfit change (due to his fountain). I actually don't mind being up in the middle of the night right now, since I'm guaranteed a nap during the day. It's one of the few quiet times to look at him and really absorb his sweetness without interruptions. I used to wake up in the middle of the night all stressed out and be unable to go back to sleep. This started when I was a teenager and lasted till I went through Great Banquet. Nowadays, I pray when I'm awake at night. Sometimes God brings someone to mind to pray for, or sometimes He gives me a special assignment. I think He used to wake me up at night to speak to me because as a mom I was too distracted during the day to listen. I ignored Him for a long time. I usually fall asleep very easily now; but when I don't, there is usually a good reason. Sometimes, I wake up because I have an unresolved issue...there is someone I have wronged or something I need to confess. I know many people suffer from a physical problem of insomnia, but mine was a spiritual problem. Last summer while waiting to know where we would be living, my mom asked me how I was sleeping...to which I replied, "Like a baby." Many people were suprised by this, but God had me all wrapped up in a peace bubble (and I know part of this was because so many of you were praying for me).
I enjoy my solid sleep, but for now I will make the most of being up in the still of the night. Who knows...I may be praying for you.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
The Napping Fiasco
Everyone loves a good investment…especially one that comes with a big bonus! This is one of those investments that you don’t want to miss!
Purchase Jill Savage’s new book No More Perfect Moms anytime between February 3-9 (online or at a store…and yes, electronic versions such as Kindle and Nook count too!) Send a copy of your receipt to NoMorePerfectMoms@moody.edu. Scan it, take a picture of it - just be sure to send it to the email! You'll be given access to well over $100 worth of resources that will help you on your mothering journey - absolutely free!
What will you receive?
6 Sixty Minute Audio Workshops (MP3 format) from Hearts at Home
- Desperate for Wisdom - Dr. Juli Slattery
- How to Fight for Your Marriage - Dr. Juli Slattery
- It is Well with Your Soul - Jennifer Rothschild
- Multiple Intelligences - Dr. Kathy Koch
- Ten Stress Strategies Every Mom Needs - Jill Savage
- The God Who Sees You- Tammy Maltby
- 10 Stress Strategies Every Mom Needs
- “Love Is”--I Corinthians 13 for Parents
- Mom Rules
- How to Fight Fair In Marriage
- Live Free by Kendra Smiley
- Growing Grateful Kids by Susie Larsen
- Real Moms Real Jesus by Jill Savage
I will also personally be giving away free copies of this book...with one catch:
Leave your own personal story of being less than perfect in my comments below. Just to clarify, you do not have to be a mom or even married to participate. The book talks a lot about other things besides just motherhood (including decorating, organizing, and our self-image). Maybe you'd even like to share a comment to be able to pass along this book to someone else.
For every 10 comments, I will give away one book (with a maximum of 10 books as my limit...and I will faint if I get that many comments because I rarely get that many views on each post). I will draw names on Wednesday, so stay tuned.