Most of All We Love

        Recently,  a dear friend of mine gave us a wall hanging that listed goals for our family. It talked about us "laughing" and "being patient...most of the time" and ended in "most of all, we love". It felt a bit ironic that just a few minutes before my friend arrived I had not shown much love to my two year old (who had chosen to come all the way into my bedroom to whine about how hungry she was). Our little boy was a little over a week old,  so my mom was at our house helping run our household.  My husband went back to work after playing Mr. Mom the first week, and I was so thankful to have my mom make the meals and keep up on the cleaning for an additional week. It makes me feel like I'm on vacation.  However, this particular morning did not feel like vacation but torture.  I hate being interrupted. My mom was watching "Little House on the Prairie" with all the girls,  and I was taking advantage of what I thought was a quiet moment before my friend arrived to watch the tutorial on the Storkenwege wrap I had been given. I was trying to learn how to tie a flat knot vs. a sliding knot when my two year old entered and rolled all over the floor hollering for something to eat.  Truthfully, at first she probably came into the room "talking" at a reasonable volume to me while I desperately tried to ignore her and watch the video (Was I supposed to lay the fabric to my right or the demonstrator's right?). I half-heartedly tried to convince her to talk to "Nana" about her food crisis while watching the video; and that's when she resorted to desperate measures of shrieking on the floor, completely overwhelming the quiet woman's voice teaching me all about knots. This is when I could ignore her no longer.
         I finally told her that she needed to wait for my help till after I watched the video clip since she was supposed to take up food requests with my mom. She was having none of this...which is when I snapped and told her that if she didn't leave the room, I'd be forced to help her. She chose to stay; so despite my lifting restrictions, I quickly hefted her out of the room and locked the door. This part of my room has glass-paned french doors, so I could see the hurt look on her face when she cried and hugged the baby peacefully sleeping on my bed in the other part of our room. At that moment, I wished I had stopped the tutorial and shown love by giving her my undivided attention for a few minutes.  A half an hour later, I felt more than a little guilty over my choice when I read the plaque about how "most of all, we love". It felt like no accident when earlier this week a friend blogged about focusing on love during this lent which just happened to start the day before Valentine's. I know God is trying to get a message through to me. My nerves have been a little raw this week as I have adjusted to lack of sleep and our new routine,  and I have snapped at our girls more than once.
         I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 13. If I blog about things of importance but do not show love in my words to my girls, I am like a clanging cymbal. Even if I read my Bible every day and complete my forty minutes of Beth Moore Bible Study but don't share my time with the girls, I am nothing.   Even if I give my girl's conversation Jelly Belly's for Valentine's Day, but don't show love when they truly need a my help getting food...I gain nothing. Knowing how to tie knots will fade away. Getting enough sleep will eventually seem like less of a priority. Having my own space will gradually come again. What my family needs right now is my love, so I'm asking God to help me make it my top priority.

What are you struggling with right now?  I'd love to hear from you.