At the Root

My first piece of glitter

          A beautiful piece of glitter first made its appearance in my hair last October (when I turned the ripe old granny age of 39). When I finally noticed it, it was about one inch long and sticking straight up in the air Dennis the Menace style...very flattering. I've anticipated this arrival for a long time (my mom started getting gray hair in her mid-twenties), but now that my grays are coming out, my thoughts and ideas are being challenged. My mom has always been a great example of embracing her age; but with her full head of gray hair, she has also looked much older than her peers. Is looking old bad? No...unless I listen to everything I think others are saying...if I watch their eagerness to rid of themselves of unwanted grays. Is getting rid of my under eye circles with concealer any different? How do you age gracefully minus frump? I think this answer is different for every woman. My hubby has always been pro-gray and anti-dye. I've known this since we starting dating decades ago. I don't have a problem with being natural (but don't take away my concealer). It actually fits me. Even being counter-cultural, fits me. Not feeling beautiful when I'm officially "old", does not fit me (or any other woman that I'm aware of). I'd like our kids to be at peace with when they grow glitter from their head as well, but I don't want them to feel judged if they want dye like I want concealer.
          My hair's not the only root that's been changing. I now have some mineral trioxide deep down in one of my teeth. Just before  my birthday, I had a deep cavity filled for the second time, while being told that I'd probably need a root canal sooner than later. Since my tooth began giving me fits on the weekend when no endodontist is available, I decided to try essential oils. There were all kinds of testimonials about avoiding root canals, but that wasn’t my case.  The melaleuca and clove oil helped me from having a full blown face-swelling infection, but my infected root still died and irritated my other roots.  I did end up finding a biological dentist that does things a little differently than mainstream dentists.  He didn’t stare at me like I had two heads when I told him about the essential oils (or even when I admitted to trying oregano oil—which burned my mouth) or oil pulling.  If he had suggested  giving up my concealer for the sake of my teeth, I’m not sure I would.  Fortunately, he suggested I see a holistic M.D. to look at my calcium metabolism (since I’ve had a few cavities in the past couple of years).  My tooth has been fixed and the root is gone. Hopefully, seeing a holistic doctor while help me get to the root of my teeth issues.

                                As I age, I’m no longer satisfied at just looking at my issues.  I want to know why I have issues (one of my issues is depression).  I was allowed to preview a new book by Jill Savage about friendship (the name of the book is “Better Together”), and I’ve really enjoyed it.  I’ve read a lot of books on marriage and parenting in the past five years, but this is the first book that I can remember reading about friendship in as long as I can remember.  It has lots of helpful advice on what is normal in friendships and how to be a better friend, but the part I really liked was the challenges at the end of each chapter.  One challenge was to write a handwritten note to a friend.  My letter ended up arriving same day that my friend was preparing to attend a funeral for her loved one, and it really meant a lot to her.   I love it when God uses us to minister to others, especially when we have no idea how perfect the timing is.  The past few weeks when I’ve read this book, I’ve felt lighter and less burdened.  I can’t help by wonder if reaching out to other women isn’t a big way of combating my blues.  It kind of makes sense if one of the greatest commandments that Jesus leaves us with is to love others (see Matt. 22:39).  God only asks us to do what works out best for us in the end (even if it’s not easy).  It’s funny that showing love actually made me feel loved. I know it made my friend feel loved too. Sometimes I just need a different perspective to look at what’s underneath it all. That’s what I felt like this book provided for me.

 This past winter, we had some water issues in our basement.  We had a downpour of rain while my hubby Charles wasn’t at home, so I called him to find out when he could come home.  Mary was using the wet vacuum in the basement, while Half-Pint was managing the kiddos, and I was trying to figure out a way to prevent the water from entering in the basement in the first place. I called Charles to ask him if I could use a different wet vacuum outdoors.  Clearly, I wasn’t thinking about the risk of electrocution. Charles let me know the best way to prevent the water from coming in was to clean out the gutters that were overflowing.  Shortly after they were cleaned, the water stopped coming in the basement.  I admit that sometimes I'm short-sighted. I’m praying that God would show me what the root of my issues are.  In the meantime, I’m going to keep loving others and using my concealer while I let my glitter shine.

         

While I Am Unaware

          I watched Half-pint struggling with her emotions as friend after friend was unable to come to the Buddy Bash event at a martial arts school we joined two weeks back. I wanted to make something happen for her; but the more people we asked, the more we were turned down. People were out of town or were hosting other guests. Some already belonged to another dojo. Everyone had very good reasons,  but my little girl still took it pretty hard. I told her that maybe she'd make a buddy there. She insisted that there was no one even close to her age in her class that still had a white belt (the party was only for white belts). Having lots of siblings is usually a big plus because you can always count on them as a buddy. Normally Mary would've just been her buddy, but Mary had rehearsal that night for the upcoming community theatre that she's apart of.
        Earlier in the week, I had been feeling a similar frustration. Very honestly,  I told God that I felt like He'd forgotten all about me. My first new friend (remember my flourless chocolate cake flop) I'd made since coming here moved away a little over a week ago. Although I know it's not very mature, I pouted over it. I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I liked her too much. I told God I didn't think He was doing a very good job of answering my prayers. Right away, He brought another friend's name to my mind who has been a direct answer to specific prayer. However on our very first playdate, she shared that she anticipated moving in the next few months. My "answer to prayer" would be moving too. I brought this up to Him to point out that I still felt neglected by Him. As I sat down to journal, I specifically asked to feel His presence that day. I had just had so many days that I felt lost in the shuffle...like God was too busy with someone else to really "be there" for me. Later that day, Mary laughed and said, "Mom, you have a smiley face on your leg!" I have no idea what I leaned against; but sure enough,  there were two eyes and a mouth imprinted on my leg. That's just the sort of kooky sign that makes me know it was no coincidence. It made me and the girls laugh out loud. It also made me aware that God was there the whole time, waiting for me stop being so oblivious and trust Him.
          The next day, I found out my "answer to prayer" no longer had to move. I was shocked and extremely grateful...and I felt like a great big whiner (Is this where my kids get it?)! This all happened the day before Half-pint was agonizing over the lack of a "buddy". Guess what happened at the Buddy Bash? She made a new friend who's only a couple months younger than her...that happens to homeschool...and whose mom happens to have the exact same name as my friend that moved away. Seriously! What are the odds on that?? My hubby pointed out that this has been a really great week for me: a great friend is staying put, a new friend has just surfaced, and Charles spent his three day weekend patching and painting our kitchen/dining room and hallway (which is a serious labor of love if you saw all the holes and cracks in those walls and knew how much he despises drywall compound). Last night as I was cutting in the happy face shade of yellow (inspired by a friend's autumnal picture in a golden grove),  my heart was all smiles. Even getting my hair stuck in a fly strip couldn't spoil my day. Even realizing on our way to church that I still had fly trap goo in my hair didn't bother me. This morning, I couldn't help but sing along with Lincoln Brewster,

"You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the song

Lord I'm amazed by you...
And how you love me."

        Are you pre-happy face? Know that God is there. He hears you, even if He isn't answering every prayer the way you asked.  On the drive home from the bash, Half-pint remarked that she probably would've never made a new friend if her sister or friends were there. If God isn't answering "yes", it's because He has something better in mind. He's getting ready to give you a smile too.

Missouri Loves Company

           This weekend,  I watched as many people near our last town were devastated by a tornado.  I sat, prayed, and checked Facebook. It was all out of my hands, and I was too far away to do anything but pray. No direct friends of ours lost their home. I loved all the posts from my friends and their offers of help. I cannot imagine the misery they must be tempted to sit in. The stories from those affected are sad but hopeful.  I know their holidays will be much different than they expected.  Most of them are grateful this Thanksgiving for the greatest gift they have received: life.
         Monday night, I was reminded again of all the wonderful people we left behind. Charles had most of the little ones in our bedroom watching "Different Strokes". They used to watch this show once a week while I went to a small group). There they all were watching a familiar program, and my heart longed for the comraderie of my dear friends that we have left. It brought on a torrent of emotions as the realization hit me that all the people I used to see weekly (or even monthly) were hundreds of miles a way. What did I do? What any woman in my situation would do! I swept the floor.
           I swept and swept until the floors were all cleaned upstairs, and then I vacuumed the basement (lots of ducklings=trails of woodchips). Some people shop for therapy. I clean. As I cleaned, I prayed quietly for the friends I was missing and asked God to bring new ones into my life. Then, I sat down and watched part of a movie with my Gracie, my youngest girl.
          As I put the girls to bed, I still felt lonesome; but God hears every prayer and the next few hours were filled with excitement and wonder as my oldest two girls and I stayed up to watch the next batch of ducklings hatch. At first we were just hanging out with the week-old ducklings. All but one waddled onto Half-pint to take a nap. We laughed as they would preen Half-pint's fuzzy jammies and her long brown hair. Then, we heard some loud peeping as the newest batch started breaking free in the incubator. We laughed and talked like old friends as we named the new batch of ducks "Lola", "Agnes", "Oliver", and "Peter". I know how silly that is since we won't know their gender for a while.
          I believe God gave me open eyes that night to see two precious friends that He had left right in front of me: my daughters. If we had still lived in our old town, I doubt I would've stayed up. I was often too preoccupied to take time to hang out. Having fewer friends and less groups to attend is giving me time to focus on what matters more...family. I'm grateful this holiday season for my opportunity to get to know them better.
           We had almost two weeks with the Grandmas, and it was wonderful. I've had repeated requests to go back and visit our last area, but I need to put it off till the ducklings and baby boy has gotten a little older (to tolerate long trips better). Carrie, my 5 year old, is already dreaming up a visit back to our old town for her birthday in March to visit a favorite friend. We'll see what happens. We'd love to have more visitors here in Missouri, but I'm so thankful for Facebook to help me stay in touch. Missouri loves company, but we will take the memories and the mail (whether electronic or postal )we get with gratitude. 
            I miss you all and I'm praying for you all!

To read more bloggers talking about their less than perfect holidays,  click here.

Boot Scootin Boogie

          I have never gone country line dancing before; but when I saw an invite for all her "central Illinois friends" pop up on Jill Savage's facebook page, I thought, "Why not?" After all, I have the boots for it.
          Then it dawned on me, my other four kids do great with a sitter; however, I'd still have my three month old to take along. He is a very good baby, but I wasn't sure about how well I/he would be received at a "Mom's Night Out". Being minus four children is definitely still a mom's night out for me. I asked the coordinator if he could come in a sling. The reply that came was from a mom who would be unable to attend, but stated "I'm just gonna say that personally if I'm having a mom's night out, I don't want anyone else's children there either." That was what I had been worried about, and that night I felt let-down because I had really wanted to go. The next morning, bright and early, there was another comment by Jill Savage herself which said," I think it would be fine!" One of the reasons I love this woman is because she is just so unassuming and welcoming. Then the event coordinator also replied. She went on to comment about how she went country line dancing at 8 months pregnant...she even went bowling for a mom's night out with a baby in a Moby wrap. She echoed the sentiment that Jill had said that I was most definitely invited.
               There is something priceless about a good woman who is willing to extend her hand in friendship. It is good for the soul and definitely a pick-me-up when you are feeling blue. I almost missed the event due to house hunting, but our plans changed (partly inspired by my desire to go...and my hubby's enthusiastic encouragement that I SHOULD go). By the time the evening arrived, I was a little on edge. It was a rough day. Supper consisted of pancakes that weren't even finished by the time the sitter arrived. The last thing I felt like doing was meeting a bunch of new faces to try something I'd never done before. I cringe a little even now as I add the tag of depression to this post, but that is honestly what I've been battling this week. (I cringe only because I wish I could write to you as an expert on the subject...not someone who is still learning how/what to do with her feelings). My three year old threw a super fit when I left, which made me 15 minutes late by the time I left. My GPS led me to an industrial park (and the wrong side of the road). I almost gave up, but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't look a little more for the place.
            I did finally find it. Lessons started at 7pm, and I showed up after 7:30pm...everyone welcomed me warmly. No one cared that I had a baby in tow; and before you know it, I was line dancing. I'd like to say I'm a natural, but I was off more than a couple of times. No one seemed to notice. When I went in, I was greeted with a hug and friendly smiles from all the moms in the group. Jill even mentioned she'd been keeping an eye out for me. When I shared my struggle with even feeling like coming, they all nodded their heads like they'd been there. I felt at ease with them, and I was pleased to sit and chat with a couple of moms while the instructor showed some more challenging dances.
              Nothing makes me feel more like myself (plus gives me a little perspective) like getting out of our house. When I feel blue, I just want to hide. Just the opposite is what helps lift me up.
           I'm so glad I went. I gained more than the knowledge of how to dance to "Cotton-Eyed Joe". I had a night away from my cares with women who cared enough to make me feel welcome, and that alone is enough to make me want to dance in my boots.