"Say Goodbye" to Yelling

     I love the song by Mandisa "Say Goodbye". It says, "To the voice, to the liar in the mirror saying you can't ever change, to the guilt that's sitting on your shoulder always keeping you wrapped in chains, to the past that you can't undo, to the pain that you're walking through, to the small and the big mistakes, this is what love wants to say, 'Say goodbye, say goodbye. Every day is a brand new mercy. Hello, hello. This is where it starts now. Hello, hello. Everything can turn around in a moment. Here's your moment. You can say goodbye.' There is a grace that you can't imagine. There is a love you can't outrun. There is a peace you can hold on to when your world is coming undone. You don't have to give in to the fear. (You) Don't have to let your story stop here; and when that hand tries to pull you back, you don't have to go back. You don't have to go back to everything that breaks you down. It doesn't have to define you now. Jesus came to take it all away."
     I always thought I was a very patient person till I had children.  I loved puzzles, and doing things that required a lot of concentration,  but one of my worst faults is my tendency to yell when I'm frustrated. As a parent, I'm frustrated a lot. I've been praying about this area of my life for several years now, and although I've made improvements from time to time...my anger keeps popping it's head back up, and I do not control myself. It's embarrassing and frustrating, and most of all terrifying when I watch my girls follow in my footsteps. My two year old has a serious yelling problem, and I feel I am to blame because she is such a parrot at this age. I hate feeling hopeless, like it will never change. I'm tired of confessing this sin over and over along with asking forgiveness from my daughters when I blow it.
     For the next month (till Christmas), I'm going to especially concentrate on breaking this habit (which is what I feel it has become) by asking for God's grace to enable me and empower me to say goodbye to yelling.  There are a lot of projects that I could work on between now and when the next baby comes, but I think this is probably one of the best gifts my next child could have. I have many memories of my mom yelling when I was a child and specifically how awful I felt as a result. I don't want that for my children. Will you help me stay accountable? I promise to be honest...and if I learn anything helpful along the way, I will share it. I've started a book by John Ortberg entitled "The Me I Want To Be: Becoming God's Best Version of You", and already I can see this will be a helpful tool for the journey. The first thing that really struck me about this book is the statement that you are not going to be something you are not. If you are an introvert, you aren't going to change into an extrovert. God delighted in making you exactly who you are...and wants to use your natural qualities for something amazing. I will still always be a passionate person about things I care about, but I don't have to express myself in a way that hurts others around me. Anger is not sin, what I do with it can be. My oldest daughter was shocked when I read about God being angry with the Israelites for worshipping a golden calf. She stopped me and said, "Really, God gets angry?" As if anger in itself is wrong. It is important not to expect that you can somehow get rid of all feelings of anger (which is what I prayed for in the beginning, and silly me, it didn't work). It is part of being human. I'm committing to cessation of yelling for the next month, and hopefully for the rest of my life. Clearly, I'm not referring to life or death matters when yelling is called for...like when my child is darting away from me in the parking lot, and a car is coming. I'm talking about the other 99.5% of the time I yell.
     What would you like to say goodbye to in the next month? Please feel free to share in the comments, and we can hold each other accountable.