Like a Rock

        "You're not my mother. Don't tell me what to do." These were the first words the new boy said to me on the playground. I was in 4th grade, and he was in 5th. Those words devastated  me and all my hopes of love. I had a huge crush on him, and I was desperate to talk to him. I was captured while playing "boys against the girls" at recess, and I decided to take the opportunity to give him a few suggestions on how to build the prison for the girls.  I had no idea at the time that I was talking to my future husband (who, by the way, has his masters degree in engineering). Apparently, he forgot about his harsh words to me...but I didn't. Later that summer at school camp, I had my revenge.  He had a girl ask me out and ask if I thought he was cute. I refused him, and said I didn't think he was cute just to spite him. Today is the third Thursday blog hop sponsored by Hearts at Home and the topic is no more perfect marriages.
         Over the past 15 years of marriage,  I've learned a lot. Our marriage has definitely had it's ups and downs. I believe we have grown closer over the years, and I think my husband's initial words to me have stayed true to this day. At times in my marriage, I've been tempted to treat my husband as a child instead of as a partner...arrogantly assuming that I am right and he is wrong. How could he be so blind!? God has really worked on my heart to let him walk in the role that he is meant for as the leader of our home. Taking on the role of a mother instead of a spouse insinuates authority for the "mother" which isn't my role.  Letting him lead has taken us on many wonderful adventures like moving to our most recent home this past summer, and I'm glad for the choices he has made because they have worked out for my good...like the amazing water birth we had at home just three weeks ago because of the house he wanted to move into. By letting go, I got an even better house.
        Jill Savage talks about not referring to our husbands as our "children" in her new book, "No More Perfect Moms". I think she makes great points about it being demeaning and disrespectful. Respecting our husbands is THE command God has given us concerning our husbands. Ephesians 5:23 uses the word "submit", and I can feel some of you cringing right now...trust me when I say that I've been right there with you (this was the story about the beginning of my surrender).
        Letting my husband lead has helped me to let go of a lot of anxieties that I was unnecessarily carrying. It has also opened up our communication about things that we used to argue over. There is no longer a battle, but a collaboration. He knows I'm not trying to control the situation which allows him freedom in discussing situations without fearing judgement on my part.  I'm not perfect, and sometimes I still find myself trying to run the show...but it happens a lot less (and it's much easier to catch nowadays). I'm still learning as I go, but my heart is in this marriage 100%. It's really important to me that we model a "normal" marriage for our children...not necessarily a perfect one. I want them to be able to look at our marriage, and see the good that is there along with the disagreements that we resolve. I want them to know that my respect and love for their father is solid...like a rock.