Strongholds

     In light of my recent feelings and anger about losing my pet, I was reminded again of what God has been changing in my life. Just a few years ago, I would have never shared the story about our pet dog killing my pet cat...probably for two reasons. For one, I would have feared what people would have thought about reading it. Secondly, deep down I struggle with feeling ashamed over it, and feeling responsible for the tragedy.  I used to hide many secrets, specifically things that made me look bad. This is a stronghold or area of weakness in my life that Satan really tortured me over. The typical lie he'd try to feed me was, "If people knew the real you and all the things you've done, they'd never even give you the time of day." Lying or hiding things became a regular part if who I was. This really kept me feeling anxious, and pathetic for years. This was not God's plan for me; but in sowing seeds of dishonesty, this is the reality I had created for myself.  God broke this stronghold nearly four years ago when I went through something called "Great Banquet ". He began by gently prodding me to confess a lie to my hubby; and in the next year, I had multiple people that I came clean with.  I actually plan on sharing with you one of my biggest "skeletons in the closet " sometime in the next month.
     When Giselle was killed, one of the first things I did was share the sorrow I had over it with the person that had given her to me. I've learned that the moment I begin to feel tempted to hide something that I need to confess it...or else it gets harder and harder to come clean. I think my hubby probably used to dread all the times that I'd start a conversation with, " I need to tell you something". What I have found is that his love has been greater than any mistake I've made.  I thank God that he gave me that kind of spouse!
     That brings me to another stronghold in my life, and this one is a work in progress. I really struggle with unforgiveness, and the bitterness that goes with it. As Christians, we are commanded to forgive; and as many people have pointed out,  it is really for our own good. Our anger only hurts ourself,  and it can even effect us physically. I believe it was Joyce Meyer that once said depression is really anger turned inward. I'm happy to tell you that looking at Harley no longer fills me with anger. He is a sweet dog,  and I do love him very much despite what he did. I also have to say that our remaining kittens are in our outbuilding permanently separated from him. The people I love the most, I find I have the hardest time forgiving.  That means my hubby is at the top of my list, followed by my girls. God has really been working on me in this area, and I wish I could say that this is now as simple for me as it is to be honest...but in reality, it is still something that I'm growing in. It takes a constant focus on saying, even out loud, "I forgive you". Sometimes I'm even angry over unintentional things.  Pretty pathetic, huh? It just goes to show that I'm still in desperate need of my Savior's transformation into His likeness. Hopefully, in a few years, I will be able to say that it's easy. What about you? What do you struggle with? Why not confide in a friend, or simply go to God and ask for wisdom in this area? You are welcome to share anonymously in the comments below, but I know sometimes even that is too scary in the beginning. Jill Savage has a new book coming out in February called "No More Perfect Moms", and I can't wait to read it because I definitely qualify.