Beloved

I remember back when I was dating my husband all the feelings that went along with it.  As the years went by, I realized that our love had grown beyond just feelings to a deeper level that involved things like friendship and commitment.  Romance may no longer mean being whisked off my feet to my favorite restaurant at a minutes’ notice and showered in presents.  It is him seeing the huge pile of dishes and washing them for me.   It is him hearing that I’d scraped up the van against the garage wall and saying that everyone makes mistakes.  It is him taking the time to get the hot tub up and running just because I said I’d like to float around in the water for the next month while waiting for our next baby to arrive.  It is him encouraging me to have the baby in the hot tub if I want to when I do go into labor, despite knowing that he will be on his own to clean up the mess.  It has been him watching the girls for me while I have been absent overnight several times.  Our love is different, but no less wonderful.

                I read the book “Captivating” by John and Stasi Elderidge a couple of years ago.  It talks about how God made you to want to be romanced, but this is not something you can look to your husband (or any man like your father or boyfriend) to solely fulfill. I have experienced a lot of love in the past few days from God.  In all honesty, there are parts of me that feel unready to have another little needy soul clinging tightly to me.  I don’t like to admit it, but part of me just longs to be free.  I keep confessing out loud that I trust God that this little one He has blessed us with will be a great gift and the best thing for me right now. On Saturday, I felt so selfish about the whole thing that I asked God if He would help me to cheer up.  Within moments, I heard my girls shouting about how it was snowing.   Snow is my favorite weather of all, and I adore snow globes.  When I looked out the window, it wasn’t just little puny flakes but big fluffy one that turned the whole outdoors into a giant snow globe.  I couldn’t help but smile.  A few minutes later, we received a surprise package in the mail…a house-warming present from a dear friend.  I had to smile again.  Then, I received one of the best compliments ever from a good friend.  Some people would brush this off as just coincidence, but I felt like I had just been given a great big hug from God.  It didn’t stop there.   A couple days later, another friend invited me to pick up some boy clothes that she no longer needed.  Just that morning, I had been telling God that I would really love to have some new maternity clothes.  Guess what she found at the bottom of her boy’s clothes bin? There were a whole bunch of lovely maternity clothes.  She let me try on and take whatever I wanted.  Yesterday, I was trying to get school done and get to Walmart for groceries before inviting some neighborhood kids over to play.  The girls were enthusiastic; but I had a lot of contractions yesterday (so I felt a little worn out).  Just as I finished my grocery list and was ready to round up the troupes, a neighbor called and beat us to the punch.  I thought they were just inviting my two oldest, but instead they asked if all four could come over.  I got to go to Walmart all by myself plus do some other necessary things around the house.  On my way to the grocery store, I began to cry over all the sweet things that God had orchestrated for me.  It was good medicine for my tired soul.  Although God knows all my selfish thoughts and imperfections, I feel no condemnation.  All I can hear God whispering over me is “Beloved.”