Watch Out I'm Going to Puke

           My stomach began churning as I quickly rummaged back and forth between my handfuls of bags, my purse, and my coat pockets. Then I began to panic, whispering, "I probably just put them in my pants pocket for some strange reason." More shuffling of my full arms and more rummaging...my stomach began to hurt even worse. I realized at that moment I had forgetten to "lock the door with the keys". This is the fail safe method to prevent things like this from happening. As I walked around the van, I knew what I'd see. There were the keys sitting in the ignition. I was headed to the train station to pick up my mother-in-law, but I had made a quick stop at Wal-Mart because the train would be thirty minutes late. My mind raced and I had that sick feeling in my stomach deepen, it's worse than the flu for someone like me. I had done something stupid.
           I wish it was an occasional thing, but my flawed humanity gets in the way of perfection day after day. A couple Saturdays ago, I had walked out of my kitchen to give the hens compost scraps. I turned on the stove burner, leaving a timer set for eight minutes...just long enough to get my milk up to 180°F for the yogurt. I had plenty of time...I thought. I came in to see our dog Harley looking back and forth at our flaming hand towel on the stove and me, as if to say, "Ma, this don't smell right!" You guessed it--I had the wrong burner on (this happened to me before with Pyrex). Stupid. My stomach felt like making a deposit that day too. The following day, the fire department visited us when a fierce wind kicked up a burning ember while we were burning trash in a barrel. Fire spreads fast on the prairie, but no real damage happened that day because we made the call as soon as we felt we couldn't control the fire. I could tell something major was wrong when my hubby was yelling "Poop!" in German repeatedly. (What was up with all the fire at our house?!)
           Life makes me feel dumb, and I am forever pointing out mistakes to myself.  I have to be intentional about dwelling on the good stuff too. Both of these things were small things. They were easily fixed by some roadside assistance and a glass of water (respectively...I don't think the water would've helped with the locked van) Then, there are moments when I think about my parenting and really feel tempted to feel sick. Watch out I might just puke. What kind of damage am I doing to my kids each time I yell at them or forget to follow through by picking up the dirty clothes for them? Will they remember our homeschooling years as pure drudgery or remember the fun we had? It's just as important to see when a situation is out of control in our parenting as it is with burning grass. Remember the verse in Proverbs about self-contol being better than conquering a city?
          I'm previewing a book called "No More Perfect Kids", and what I love about it is that it has tools for me to fix what is wrong (along with some pointers on things I should be doing differently). I'm the only one that expects perfection from myself.  Everyone else knows how messed up I am because they are too. Last week, I decided to try a technique the book recommended by having my kids write (or say--for the younger set) 15-20 "I am..." statements.  It a way to assess how negatively or positively they feel about themselves and what is important to them. Honestly,  even doing this scared me a little. Do I really want to know how much I've messed up my kids?? It ended up being very reassuring.  I was amazed by how many positive things they had to say about themselves.  If they hadn't though, wouldn't it be better to know about it now then finding out in thirty years from now when it was affecting their families and marriages?
            Lots of people (including my internal naysayer) can point out what I'm doing wrong, but who will help me fix it? The authors of this book, Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch, want to help you. If you want to get this book (your kids will thank you), please wait till the week of March 14-22. If you do, you'll get a whole bunch of freebies valued at $100. I'll keep giving you some good tid-bits that I'm reading, and you can order "No More Perfect Moms" to read if you missed it. It was released last year and is fabulous as well.
         In the meantime, relax, let go of your hurting stomach, and know that only God is perfect. You can thank God that at least you didn't lock you keys in your van or set your house/yard on fire.