In Pursuit of Excellence

            I was a little taken back when my daughter finally spewed out what had been stuck in her craw. "You want me to be perfect!" I had no idea this was what was making her so frustrated in her schoolwork. As a homeschooler, the concept of mastery is always a priority to me. After all, I don't want someone showing up to tell me that I'm hurting our children by not making sure they know their x 3's facts well enough (or that they don't know the words to our national anthem). My daughter had translated my desire for "mastery" into a belief that I expected "perfection". I asked her why she thought I wanted her "to be perfect", and she went on to talk about the remediation process I use (if she gets problems wrong, I go back over them with her to make sure she understands why it is wrong and the correct way to do things). I explained that I just wanted to make sure that she understood the concept, but I acknowledged her feeling pressured by me and apologized. Maybe I was guilty of over going through every problem that was wrong, instead of just looking for a pattern in what was wrong. I feel pressure myself and that had translated to her feeling pressure too.
           "Practice makes perfect." I've said that phrase a lot, but I believe what I long for is excellence.  Jill and Kathy do a great job of outlining the difference in their new book coming out today, "No More Perfect Kids". Here are a couple differences that I really liked: "Excellence is something done well. Perfection is something done without fault. Excellence is attainable. Perfection in unattainable. Excellence allows for failure. Perfection punishes failures." If I hadn't been reading this book, I doubt I would've even sat down to listen to Half-pint that night. The night before Carrie was up at 11:30pm till 2:30am with a horrible ear infection,  and Mr. Blue Eyes had woken up early at 4am till he finally went down at 7am...netting me two hours of sleep. I was exhausted, but I knew this was important because of my daughter's tone of voice. Her words drove home the importance of reading this book at this specific time in my life. Honestly, NMPK wasn't easy for me to read because I could see so many problems that I needed work on (maybe that's my perfectionist tendencies kicking in). We do math timings, handwriting books, and grammar exercises. I was unaware of what else was being taught.
           I would encourage you to pick up the book and find some practical solutions with me. If you pick up the No More Perfect Kids book (e-book or hard copy from any brick and mortar store or online retailer) anytime between March 13 (today!) – 23, 2014, you will be eligible to receive over $100 in free resources.

Here’s how it works:

1) Buy the No More Perfect Kids book between March 13 and March 23
2) Scan or take a picture of the receipt
3) email a copy of your receipt to freebies@nmpk-extras.com
4)Within 24 hours your will receipt a reply with a link and password to unlock you free resources!

Here’s what you’ll get:

4 Printables:

You’re Special Poster
I Corinthians 13 for Parents Poster
Compliments and Corrections Booklet by Dr. Kathy Koch
Conversation Starters for Parents and Grandparents Booklet by Dr. Kathy Koch

4 Hearts at Home Audio Workshops:

When You Feel Like Screaming–Sue Heimer
Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid–Shaunti Feldhahn
Raising Grateful Kids–Marianne Miller
Real Ways to Connect with Your Kids–Kathi Lipp​

3 E-Books:

A Perfect Pet for Peyton by Gary Chapman
How Am I Smart by Kathy Koch
The 10 Commandments of Parenting by Dr. Ed Young

There is also a free 13 day challenge to help motivate us to help our kids. I'll be signing up today. I need a daily challenge to get me started on the right foot. Half-pint and the rest of our children will thank us. Want to join me? Click here.

Let's use the next 13 days of bringing excellence into our homes and classrooms, and a lifetime of growing better as a parent.
          

Better Than The Son of Poseidon

           I love to read, and I'm getting to explore that even more now that my kids are into books beyond picture driven ones. The most recent series that I've delved into is the "Percy Jackson" series (I really have a huge list to pick from after all the Facebook chatter from this post.) If you're familiar with them, you know that they are based on Greek mythology and that the main character's father is Poseidon...the mythological "god of the sea". I've enjoyed the series and just finished reading the fourth book in the "Heroes of Olympus" series (which I was slightly disappointed with because of views expressed on a couple of topics, but I am looking at it as an opportunity for dialogue about personal beliefs vs. author beliefs). Half-pint LOVES this series, and I have had to put some serious effort into staying ahead of her. After all, I'm the one who borrowed them from the library. I should get to read them first. I am also previewing Jill Savage and Kathy Koch's new book "No More Perfect Kids", which makes for an interesting contrast between fiction for kids and non-fiction about kids.  Everytime I turn around, Half-pint has her nose in the next book. She can be quiet on the couch for hours just reading. I have to admit I'm a touch jealous. I get about ten uninterrupted seconds during the day. Ok. That's a slight exaggeration. However, I did have to literally lock myself in the bathroom one afternoon for five minutes,  so I could could coherently introduce myself to the launch team for Jill and Kathy's book (after two failed attempts in the kitchen with children swirling around my legs and clinging to arms).

            One of the best things about the Percy Jackson series is seeing which "god" each character has as their mother or father. Over the course of the book, you watch the characters discover what powers they have as a result of their "parentage". We were sitting in church a couple of weeks ago, listening to a series on spiritual gifts, when I realized what a perfect intro these books could serve to this topic for them. I asked the girls if they'd ever thought about how they are a child of the one, true God. Just like the characters from these books, they're endowed with gifts from the Holy Spirit when they accept Jesus into their hearts (see 1 Cor. 12:7-11, Romans 12:3-8, and 1 Pet. 4:9-11). When I was young, my parents gave me a test that help me see what gifts I had been given; so I contacted the church we've been attending to see if they had something similar for the girls to take. I read in the book "The Treasure Principle" by Pam Farrell that taking a spiritual gift test around the age of 8 or 9 is great because that's typically an age where we are more "ourselves" and less influenced by others. This has been on my to-do list for a while (Mary, age 11, was four when I read this book). The girls took the test today and were all smiles with the results. (Let me know in the comments below, or e-mail me if you'd like the test we used.) 

          One of my favorite chapters so far from the other book I'm reading ("No More Perfect Kids") is entitled "Who Am I?"- one of the main questions all kids ask themselves (along with every other adult on the planet). It talks about how we can be identified by what we do (like our interests or scholastic achievements) or who we are. I love the idea it gives for affirming you child using a three pronged approach.  First,  you identify the good quality and share this with your child. Next, you give an example of when you saw them displaying this quality. Finally,  you tell them why this is important.  I've used this technique several times this past week on each of our kids (except for Mr. Blue Eyes...one year olds hardly stay still long enough to read a book let alone listen to an affirmation), and they really have responded to it. 

          Here's how it played out yesterday with Half-pint: I told her 1) how I noticed that she was hard-working and showed initiative 2) specifically when I asked for help loading the recyclables in the van. She had a positive up-beat attitude and didn't complain that she was doing more work than her siblings (even though she ended up making more trips than her sister), and she even thought ahead to run down our lane and open the gate. I had asked for her help, so we could get to story time at the library in time. Opening the gate let us exit the property more efficiently (and we were on time for the FIRST time!). I told her 3) this is important because when she gets older her employer or family will appreciate having someone they can depend on to get the job done and to go the extra mile. A strong work ethic is a great asset to any job. 

           I could tell she was really listening to me when I complimented her because when we left the house later in the day (this time for AWANA) she ran all the way down the lane to open the gate for me again without any request from me. The three pronged affirmation worked with my three year old just as well. Her big, brown eyes twinkled when I complimented her on the way she quickly responded to my request this past week. I told it's important to know I can count on her to listen and obey.

          Does this technique work for adults too? I like your enthusiasm to help your kids by considering buying "No More Perfect Kids", but also the patient way you're waiting for the release. This is important because if you wait to purchase it the week of March 14, you'll get $100 worth of freebies. How'd I do?

           In the meantime, try some affirmations and consider giving your kids a test they can pass, helping them realize who they really are: A uniquely gifted child of the "One, True King"...which is way better than being a son of Poseidon. 

Watch Out I'm Going to Puke

           My stomach began churning as I quickly rummaged back and forth between my handfuls of bags, my purse, and my coat pockets. Then I began to panic, whispering, "I probably just put them in my pants pocket for some strange reason." More shuffling of my full arms and more rummaging...my stomach began to hurt even worse. I realized at that moment I had forgetten to "lock the door with the keys". This is the fail safe method to prevent things like this from happening. As I walked around the van, I knew what I'd see. There were the keys sitting in the ignition. I was headed to the train station to pick up my mother-in-law, but I had made a quick stop at Wal-Mart because the train would be thirty minutes late. My mind raced and I had that sick feeling in my stomach deepen, it's worse than the flu for someone like me. I had done something stupid.
           I wish it was an occasional thing, but my flawed humanity gets in the way of perfection day after day. A couple Saturdays ago, I had walked out of my kitchen to give the hens compost scraps. I turned on the stove burner, leaving a timer set for eight minutes...just long enough to get my milk up to 180°F for the yogurt. I had plenty of time...I thought. I came in to see our dog Harley looking back and forth at our flaming hand towel on the stove and me, as if to say, "Ma, this don't smell right!" You guessed it--I had the wrong burner on (this happened to me before with Pyrex). Stupid. My stomach felt like making a deposit that day too. The following day, the fire department visited us when a fierce wind kicked up a burning ember while we were burning trash in a barrel. Fire spreads fast on the prairie, but no real damage happened that day because we made the call as soon as we felt we couldn't control the fire. I could tell something major was wrong when my hubby was yelling "Poop!" in German repeatedly. (What was up with all the fire at our house?!)
           Life makes me feel dumb, and I am forever pointing out mistakes to myself.  I have to be intentional about dwelling on the good stuff too. Both of these things were small things. They were easily fixed by some roadside assistance and a glass of water (respectively...I don't think the water would've helped with the locked van) Then, there are moments when I think about my parenting and really feel tempted to feel sick. Watch out I might just puke. What kind of damage am I doing to my kids each time I yell at them or forget to follow through by picking up the dirty clothes for them? Will they remember our homeschooling years as pure drudgery or remember the fun we had? It's just as important to see when a situation is out of control in our parenting as it is with burning grass. Remember the verse in Proverbs about self-contol being better than conquering a city?
          I'm previewing a book called "No More Perfect Kids", and what I love about it is that it has tools for me to fix what is wrong (along with some pointers on things I should be doing differently). I'm the only one that expects perfection from myself.  Everyone else knows how messed up I am because they are too. Last week, I decided to try a technique the book recommended by having my kids write (or say--for the younger set) 15-20 "I am..." statements.  It a way to assess how negatively or positively they feel about themselves and what is important to them. Honestly,  even doing this scared me a little. Do I really want to know how much I've messed up my kids?? It ended up being very reassuring.  I was amazed by how many positive things they had to say about themselves.  If they hadn't though, wouldn't it be better to know about it now then finding out in thirty years from now when it was affecting their families and marriages?
            Lots of people (including my internal naysayer) can point out what I'm doing wrong, but who will help me fix it? The authors of this book, Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch, want to help you. If you want to get this book (your kids will thank you), please wait till the week of March 14-22. If you do, you'll get a whole bunch of freebies valued at $100. I'll keep giving you some good tid-bits that I'm reading, and you can order "No More Perfect Moms" to read if you missed it. It was released last year and is fabulous as well.
         In the meantime, relax, let go of your hurting stomach, and know that only God is perfect. You can thank God that at least you didn't lock you keys in your van or set your house/yard on fire.