In the Trenches

     Yesterday my husband and I  celebrated 15 years of marriage. We've had our ups and downs, but overall I think we've had a really great journey together.  Last night as I was reminiscing,  I remembered our 1O year anniversary.  We took a trip to Ireland to celebrate; and one day as we were exploring Dingle Peninsula, we had a conversation that I took rather seriously.  It was all about feeling like we weren't really even friends anymore.  I remember being so upset by it that I considered throwing myself off the cliffs into the foaming water below. The one thing that kept my feet firmly on the ground was the knowledge that I had a two and four year old waiting at home that would never understand why I hadn't come home when I had promised that I would.  As we continued exploring, my hubby and I talked some more. It was clear that this wasn't the end of our marriage.  Neither of us wanted that (although when we first talked I felt overwhelmingly hopeless about it). This was merely a call for us to decide to make our marriage a priority instead of it revolving around the kids. Later that same year, God made Himself very real to me as I began to seek after Him. My husband began the same journey that year, and by the following spring I remember us being happier than we'd been in the  previous 10 years of marriage. I went from feeling supremely low to extremely high in just a matter of a year. I'm so glad that I didn't give into that feeling...I would have missed out on the best years of my life.
     They say that when you marry your husband that you really marry your dad. My hubby and my dad do have many things in common: the both are very good at fixing things, enjoy planting and watching things grow, and like investing in relationships. My hubby actually uses my dad's old Alles Chalmers to mow our yard, and till our garden despite the fact that it is almost as old as I am...obviously, he's had to do a number of repairs on it.
     One big difference between the two of them has been their reaction to my dream. Albeit, I was probably only 6 or 7 at the time, but I had just read a biography about Fanny Crosby and decided that I wanted to write for a living.  When I shared it with my dad he made a comment about investigating other occupations. As an adult, I can see that he was probably making the comment out of concern for my finances, not saying that I wouldn't be good at it. As a child though,  I was convinced that he didn't think I had the talent for it. I carried this misgiving with me for years despite being told otherwise by others and even winning runner up in a writing contest during college.
     When I told my hubby of my dream, he said simply, " What can I do to help you make this happen?" There was no doubt in his mind about me. This was huge for me...that he believed in me! He even invited over a friend of his that was an author to give me some help. It has been at least three years since I told him about this dream, but I've struggled with thinking that I really have anything of valuable to share with others .  There are some pretty amazing people out there with better stories than mine. A dear friend of mine gave me a devotional; and in the forward, it explained how rare it was to find mom's that were willing to write about their experiences "in the trenches". That was a completely new thought to me, but encouraging. Last year when my hubby left his secure job to go to a start-up company and eventually into his own business,  I was determined to write it all down in a book specifically for our kids.  Unfortunately, I fell behind and got discouraged. Even now when I read what little I did write, I'm amazed by the emotion I felt at the time about my situation.  I would write completely differently about it now...maybe because I know the end of that story.
     This June when I realized we were in for another amazing ride, I decided to start blogging about it. So here I am, and I love it! Had my hubby not been so enthusiastic about my dream, I doubt I'd be sharing this with you publicly. It is a rare and special thing to find someone who fully gets you and supports your dream. I believe that God hand picked him just for me. Thank you, honey, for the past 15 years, and for letting me live my dream!