The Purpose of Conflict

     Well, my hubby has accepted an offer for a new position with the company he currently works for.  The last couple of days have been very challenging for all of us as the decision was not an easy one for all of us to collaborate on.  Ultimately the decision was his, but it was wonderful for him to talk through so much of it with me.  It really made me understand where he was coming from on all aspects.  It's just good to be able to communicate.  This means we will be staying in the relative area that we currently are in.

      This past spring I went to the Hearts at Home conference, and I really got a lot out of workshop about "How to fight for your marriage".  Dr. Juli Slattery was the speaker, and I ended up buying the CD because my schedule didn't work to see her live.  I'm so glad I got the CD because I needed to listen to the talk more than once.  It was all about how to manage conflict in a healthy way.  This is one area that I really, really hate.  I am the type that avoids conflict at all cost until I explode and a million things come rushing out of my mouth.  Not very good approach--I admit it!  The biggest thing that I got out of her talk was that the whole point of conflict is not for one person to win, or for both parties to compromise.  Conflict is the way that you can come to a deeper understanding of your partner.  If you look at it that way, conflict actually brings you closer together and increases your intimacy.  If you try to understand the other person's point of view, you are in essence getting to know them better.  This has completely changed my perspective and given me a better way of talking with my husband if I disagree with him.  She also offered some helpful tips to cool things down during conflict; but if you want to know her tips, you'll have to get the CD...or I can loan you my copy.

     I recently watched the movie "A Walk to Remember", and in the last few minutes they stated that they had experienced more love in the year they spent together than most couples experience in a lifetime.  I have to disagree with that.  If love is just a feeling, then I'd agree.   Feelings are always strongest when they are new.  I think love is most powerful as an action...as a verb.  It's easy to love someone for the day, or for a year.  What's hard is loving someone over and over through the hurts and disagreements.  I know that my love for my husband is deeper and stronger now than it ever was after our first year of marriage because of all we have gone through and still chosen to love each other unfailingly.

      If you need some help to "Fight for your marriage", go to this website  http://www.hearts-at-home.org/  and click on the picture halfway down on the right-hand side that says "Order MP3's or CD of conference workshops!"  It's well worth the effort!