Just around the bend (part 2)

      On Sunday I will be 20 weeks pregnant, and we will find out the gender of our little one later this week. Stay tuned because I will announce it! I feel so much movement now whenever I stand still (which doesn't happen a lot). However, I've had a lot of time the past couple of days to be quiet and sit still. This weekend I'm having a little getaway with my mom. God bless my dear hubby and mother-in-law for watching the other kids! What a great time we are having listening to Joyce Meyer teach. Her book "Battlefield of the Mind" has made a huge impact on my life because I was a habitual negative thinker since I was a child. For years, I never thought about choosing what to think about. Awful thoughts would just run around in my head, and I thought I had no choice. Now, I'm much more intentional on what I dwell on.
      Reading back over my last post this morning brought back more memories. Lest you think that I have it all together, I'd like to tell you one more story. There was a period of time in between the start-up company but before the consulting offer where my faith muscles were very stretched. One morning as I was running, I was so upset with God that I began yelling at God "When are you going to do something? What are you waiting for?" I began pounding my feet on the treadmill and running as fast and hard as I could. If I could have, I would have broken the treadmill because I was so angry. My hubby who was upstairs came down to the basement to find out if I was ok. He asked me if I was yelling at someone,  and I explained that I was "talking" to God.
      My mom always says that it is ok to be angry with God and talk to Him about it...at least you are still communicating. Of course, I look back now; and I feel saddened that I would be so angry. I can easily see now how God was guiding us every step of the way.
     Our adventures have not been easy, but I have constantly felt God's presence.  I have never been alone, and I know He has carried me through the times of unbelief because in my heart I truly do want to believe.  He can look beyond my anger to the pain and fear that lies at the bottom of it all. He loves me despite my doubts and questions, and He brings answers in his time. He MAKES me lie down in green pastures to rest and wait even when I want to see what's just around the bend.