Day 12: Small Adjustments

     This week I looked at the state standards for what my kids should be learning for their grade level. Although they are both very bright girls, I knew I haven't been challenging my second grader enough--specifically in the writing arena. At first, I felt overwhelmed with guilt and thought about what a bad teacher I've been.  I wasn't focused on everything I have taught her and all the things she is way ahead in as far as the standards go. I have two choices at this point: make little adjustments to get her to meet requirements or give up. As silly as it sounds, I wanted to give up. I know from experience that if she doesn't like something it leads to tears and serious moaning on her part. We started using "Handwriting Without Tears" this year for her, and when she realized she needed to change her grip, she scribbled through the "out" on her book. It now reads "Handwriting With Tears". She hates writing...which is hard for me to relate to. She loves talking (which I can relate to), so I tried to explain that all she had to do was write down what she would normally tell me. There were still tears when she realized that she had to read 12 pages of history.  She quickly problem solved and asked if she could split the assignment over several days. Of course, I was agreeable to that as long as it's done before next week. I would've never suggested she do history on Saturday; but since it was her idea, there were no tears. I also asked her to work on writing a report on bearded dragons...part on facts she's read and part to persuade my hubby and me that she should really have another pet despite having a dog, cat, and soon to be chickens. She is saving up for one and has already checked four or five books out about them from the library (she's been spouting off all kinds of facts to me in the last three weeks). At first she was skeptical, but when she realized that my hubby and I were wavering about whether or not to give her some of her Christmas money toward her bearded lizard project, she didn't utter a word of complaint. Small adjustments with a little motivation can make all the difference.
     My small group read the book, "Motherhood: the guilt that keeps on giving" by Julie Barnhill a couple of years ago. What a good book! Not only was I forced to come face to face with my own humanness  (along with forgiving my mom for a few slip-ups), I was also forced to stop looking at consistency as unachievable. She writes that consistency is not equivalent with perfection (I'm paraphrasing here). Consistency implies continuing toward a goal, but it doesn't imply that there are no setbacks along the way (or momentary lapses). Some of my anger stems from my drive for perfection and my guilt over my lack of it. It is totally unreasonable to ever expect me to never yell for the rest of my life. Yesterday my throat felt hoarse from yelling at Harley, our dog. (He totally deserved it in my opinion because he wouldn't stop barking at my friend that he knows is my friend [and has cuddled and played with].) I will still continue to feel no guilt over yelling at an animal...humans are on a different level in my opinion. However,  I am shooting to not be known as "the mom who yells". I want to consistently work toward that goal. When my kids confess that they were afraid to tell me something because they were afraid I'd yell at them, it breaks my heart. I'd like to be seen as approachable and reasonable. The past week and a half have felt like a lot of small adjustments,  but I feel like they are adding up. I'm trying to do my part as God leads me while allowing God be in control of everything I am incapable of doing or preventing.
     I don't want my drive for perfectionism to prevent me from meeting my goal of speaking lovingly to humans and constructively correcting my kids when needed.
    How are you doing with your goals?