Day 24: Death to Synapses

      It's easy for me to feel overwhelmed. It's easy for me to get angry about the things I can't control. It doesn't help my situation though. The most recent chapter that I read in "The Me I Want to Be" talks about the feelings your thoughts can produce.
     Early this morning when my youngest woke me up to announce that she'd overflowed her diaper, I could've been annoyed to have to get up to change her clothes and bed sheets...or I could've focused on the fact that this is the first time she's gotten me up at night for almost a week. I had a choice of which thought to dwell on. When I woke up in the middle of the night gasping for breath because my reflux kicked in around 2 am (and my supper was trying to find it's way into my mouth), I could've felt upset that my body is not my own and that this little baby doesn't give my stomach enough room to digest my food properly...or I could've been happy that I haven't been sick at all this pregnancy (not even with morning sickness). When I was attempting to run this morning and had to stop because with every bounce I could feel my dear little one's feet trying to stretch my ribs to a new level of discomfort,  I could be discouraged that I couldn't run as long as I had planned or be encouraged that I'm still running/walking at 32 weeks of pregnancy.
     I have to run to those positive thoughts, or my whole day stinks. The dark thoughts try to suck every ounce of hope from me. Honestly, some days I lose the battle. I am constantly bombarded with a black hole of negative thoughts.  My favorite thought from this chapter I'm reading says that our brain even as adults are changeable (known as neuroplasticity). "Which synapses remain and which ones wither away depends on your mental habits. Those that carry no traffic go out of business like bus routes with no customers." When you dwell on the positive your mind is physically changing your brain.
     I could choose to look at the times I've failed in my challenge of not yelling this month or think about all the times I've heard the girls tell me how nice I am in the past month. It has seriously been a record number of times that they've said that. I know which synapse I'd like to die...how about you?