Day 10: The White Flag of Surrender

     For two days, there has been no yelling.  While my 4 year old was whining in my ear as we left our house yesterday, I just said, "You are making it very difficult for me not to yell. Hearing you whine makes me feel angry." There is clearly a way to express myself without cutting my child down or losing control of my volume, and I'm beginning to find some balance and satisfaction.
     Waving a white flag has always signified giving up a battle, and asking for peace (and maybe even mercy). Three summers ago when our pastor gave a message on surrendering our battles to God, I walked down the aisle to the cross set up with white flags below it. We
were supposed to pick up a flag to take with us as a reminder of our decision to surrender some battle with God.  That day was the day I laid down my excuses and decided to respect my husband because God asked me to--regardless of whether or not I felt loved by him. It made a world of difference in how I've approached decisions he has made in leading our family.
     The book by John Ortberg that I'm reading has a whole chapter devoted to guess what?  Surrender!  He makes the point that without totally surrendering yourself, you cannot be changed by God. He points out that twelve step programs all include surrendering to a higher power as one of their steps, and it's critical to any success.  On our own will power, we are not strong enough. I'm trying to process this all, but surrender means giving up control.  I don't like giving up control, but I really do want to change...and who is more trustworthy than God. Mr. Ortberg also points out that by surrendering we also leave the results up to God, and that feels a little freeing. I don't want it to be all on my shoulders.
     So for the past couple of days when surprises like sticky rice splatters all over the floor, I'm  saying out loud (sometimes through gritted teeth) to God, "I trust you are in control of every situation." Honestly, it's helping my attitude...maybe you'd like to give it a try too.